Movie Night SUCKOLA!

Bad Movie Night! First Item: Frank Zappa on Saturday Night Live circa 1978:
Well ...the evening started out fine with Zappa and crew doing some lovely tune and a rather weak sketch. Unfortunately the weak sketch was the portent of things to come. From here we went into our first feature...






"Call of Cthulluh"
When the credits first ran I thought "Wow! This is going to be ultra-horrorshow!" HA! Dr Kirby kept apologizing (or maybe better, explaining) that this is what H.P.Lovecraft is like. A ton of build up and not a lot of delivery. Still, I figured it was OK. After all, I'd bought and brought the darn thing, kept it stored minty fresh sealed for nearly a year just waiting for the spooky month of October to haul it out for a view. And flop? Kinda but who cares when the next feature stars ***JULIE STRAIN*** pant-pant!





















Feature Three: "Morgana - Seduce! Conquer! Destroy!"
STARRING JULIE STRAIN!!!!! (see pic below)
Now ...an all American red blooded male such as myself would have to ask in all honesty how it would be possible to make an unwatchable film with the lady on the magazine cover below? Especially if she had even less clothes on in the movie!??? So awful we stopped watching after 20 minutes and went back to.....


















Final Feature: "Devo and Frank on Saturday night Live circa 1978"
Yep! Had to back down and sit through some pretty retarded comedy sketches from days of yore trying to salvage the evening.
The Apology:
I would like to take this space to apologize to the Dyced Crew for putting them through such a wretched eye dry misery crawl. The moral of the story for me is: "ALWAYS VIEW WHAT YOU'RE BRINGING BEFORE YOU EXPOSE OTHERS TO IT! TWIT!....ALWAYS!!!" Trying to come in with minty fresh sealed trash can just leave the entire place smelling like an outhouse. P-U!!!!!And now in my defense I'd like once more to show the pic of JULIE STRAIN!!!! For the love of structural female pulchritude! Can someone explain to me how anybody could make such a dog barkin' awful bore with a gal of these dimensions at their disposal?!?!?! Can anyone?!?!?! PLEASE?!?!?! Huh?!?!

Cthulhu fhtagn

They were not composed altogether of flesh and blood. They had shape...but that shape was not made of matter. When the stars were right, They could plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars were wrong, They could not live. But although They no longer lived, They would never really die. They all lay in stone houses in Their great city of R'lyeh, preserved by the spells of mighty Cthulhu for a glorious resurrection when the stars and the earth might once more be ready for Them.         Lovecraft, Howard P. "The Call of Cthulhu"

Well, Howard, what are we to make of this? Bad dreams? A harrowing ride on the subway crammed in with the savage hoards? Madness?

This is not someone who is overcome by fear. He would not dwell on such bad dreams if he could not face them. The alien terror that he is, after all, attempting to unleash on us, his readers, is rather a weapon which is his revenge for what has really overcome him, humiliation. Humiliation has been his lot whenever he has ventured outside of the family sanctuary. A sanctuary which has inevitably lost its guardian spirits: first his father, then mother, then grandfather, then aunts. It is incomprehensible to the boy how the Old Ones came to be stripped of their power and it is unknown to him what will summon their return. But it must be so that they will return for otherwise there will be no vindication for him against the inevitably hostile world outside.

Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.

And, at last, little Howie Lovecraft will get off.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about this Bad Movie Night. Duty Now for the Future!

Sacajawacky September

Game One: "Lionel's Double Crossing"
A fine example of where the term "Railroaded" came from. As the only member of the fearsome fivesome to have actually toiled on the steel snake it was fitting that I take home the win on this contest. See me gloat below! Players choose their choo-choo, pick up rolling stock and then try and drop it off for contracts. Six contracts delivered wins the game. A question arose as to how players were to get more money once theirs was expended. Hmm ... Didn't see that in the rules ...ah ... maybe next time. Poor Doc K didn't get a single delivery done. I guess he needs more "training"! Ha! Game Two: "Adlibs"
This game was a great grandaddy of the now infamous "Apples to Apples" game series (see earlier posts). Photos of odd people in strange situations are displayed and players match actual ad copy from cards they hold in their hands. Everyone votes for their favorite and points are awarded based on vote spread and ownership of the saying. Make sense? Yeah ...sort of. Fun enough that we played two rounds. I believe I won one and the other was ...uh one of the other guys! (This is a clear indication that Mr. Beam was a visitor) Another excuse for amnesiatic stupification may be the final offering of the evening..............











Game Three: "Hunch"
Below is the sad owner of this Chinese Checker variant, the sorrowful Dr. Kirby, hiding his embarrassment behind the pathetic container of this bad baby. He warned us even before we started that the stink potential of this one was extremely high. Would that the crew could have smelled it coming. It didn't totally peg the pong-o-meter but came close. Players struggle to move their marbles across the board at the whim of a color coded wheel, spun each turn and dictating whether a move forward, backward or movement at all will be allowed depending on a number from 1 to 10 picked at the outset. After being foiled of movement for several turns in a row one player began wheeling the spinner round and round in a desperate attempt to see if there was any possibilty of a certain marble moving at all. No! NO? Wha!? Huh? So ... you could play and play and play and never be allowed to move? Seems a bit fishy. But wait! The light shone forth!














Blame Game came to the mystic realization (see below) that there was nothing in the rules that said one player could not aid another player in their quest to win and thereby end this mad marbled marathon! YOU-REEK-AH!
And so it came to pass that everyone co-operated ala that other marble wonder "Yin-Yang" (see older posts) and an end came at long last. Mercifully! Below we see the relieved champion, his Michigan gold mini orbs rowed opposite him in the position of win. Congrats and may all his marbles be won and never lost!

Three on a Match

On a railroad train you should be careful not to assail the nostrils of fellow passengers with strong odors of any kind. An odor that may seem to you refreshing, may cause others who dislike it and are “poor travelers” to suffer really great distress. There is a combination of banana and the leather smell of a valise containing food, that is to many people an immediate emetic. The smell of a banana or an orange, is in fact to nearly all bad travelers the last straw. In America where there are “diners” on every Pullman train, the food odors are seldom encountered in parlor cars, but in Europe where railroad carriages are small, one fruit enthusiast can make his traveling companions more utterly wretched than perhaps he can imagine. The cigar which is smoldering has, on most women, the same effect. Certain perfumes that are particularly heavy, make others ill. To at least half of an average trainful of people, strong odors of one kind or another are disagreeable if not actually nauseating.


Sage advice from Emily Post


Another tip: While "Double Crossing" stick to the inside track until you've added a few cars. But, getting back to the issue of food on the train, what about cherry tomatoes? Mmmmm. And cocoa almonds? Passenger trains are a waste of money anyway. Boxcar me, baby! And pass the Beam, it's going to be a long night.

On the subject of long nights, let me just interject that the "September Trilogy" post below is evidence that the only way I can embed Game Night video from flickr herein is all by itself. And so it shall be. The unsuspecting should be made aware that the most truly pointless videos from this month as well as all videos from August (which were, every one, worth not a paper farthing) can and should be found on the World Renowned Game Night Flickr Set as follows: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23129636@N02/sets/72157603820898882/detail/?page=9

along with, as usual, the excruciatingly detailed versions of these pics. Readers who, for whatever reason, may wish to peruse the historic AHC Landlocked Film Festival Trek as well could do worse than to look here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23129636@N02/sets/72157622210293160/detail/

Come all you rounders that want to hear

The story of a brave engineer.

Casey Jones was the rounder's name,

On a six eight wheeler, boys, he won his fame.

Snazzy hat, Colonel!

Advertising, as Don Draper points out, is all about suggestive text and salacious visuals. Naturally there was no stopping me on this one, my first Game Night win since Groundhog Day. So nice we had to play it twice and the Col. tops out with the fruit. Don't be bringing that stuff on the train now!

Twice, I said. Now what else comes in pairs? Melons, it seems, come threes.

And two it should have stayed because three was certainly a crowd this night. A crowd of stupid extensions of Chinese Checkers. The normally disciplined game kings dissolve into cursing and, yes, covert and blatant cheating. Never seen the like. After more than any of us could endure without recourse to weapons or smelly fruit the match was awarded to Dennis on account of his being more out of focus by that point than anyone else.

You know what they say about three on a match!

September Trilogy

Ooops!

Old Time August

Game One: "Aunt Millies Millions"
A card game of grabbin' greed kicks off the evenin's proceedin's. Players are dealt a hand of cards and on the count of three all turn one face up and then race to plant their marker on the card they need/want/ or just plain end up with. If 2 end on the same card a judge is chosen and the players must give their rationalization for why they deserve the card. This is done in character. Dr Kirby pulled out all the stops and gave Brando-esque oratory but all to no avail. At right we see the winner lavishing affection on his piece of ...play! A tepid reception for this offering. Given a wider range of character choices and a couple more practice rounds I think this could have been a chuckler worth choosing.
Game Two: "Siege"
In honor of it being Davy Crockett's birthday the crew thought it only just to have this game played (lacking an actual copy of the "Alamo"). Basically a two player scaled back chess game consisting of knights vs pawns with a king. Hmmm ...Seems hardly fairish but at right we can see the defending pawn-meister burnin' the field of play with a concentration so intense some of the game board squares are actually melting! The chief feature of this contest was a deep and awe inspiring silence as the two opponents tore at each others throats!










After a fearsome and semi-lengthy joust the victor emerged from the smoke of combat. And it was none other than Dr. "King" Kirby. At right we can see his dignified defiance of the gods of defeat. Bravo Doc!

To the victor goes the spoils and DK insisted on a close of shot of the coup de gras. Ouch! Right in the labonza!

Game Three: "Wherefore Art"

Uh ...OK ...So this final game seemed like the weakest of the three at first glance but actually proved to be not only the most versatile (4 different games in one) but the one with liveliest play! 64(?) tiles, each with a portion of an art masterpice printed on it, are turned face down and then matching pairs are turned over and placed in the players pile. Player with most matches wins. At right we see a happy clam and his duality of twins. Good for you Dennis but not good enough to match the master. None other than Dr. K. Again with the win. There was no stopping his Kreskin like ability in finding two of a kind.

At right we see him displaying his champion tower of tiles. A simple matter for a superior mind. Kudos!

Lastly we played a variant on the art game by going through stacks of the tiles and picking matches for our chosen rows. Tricker than it sounds and twice as entertaining as might be imagined. A lot of color commentary by all involved made this a best laugh fest.

Can you guess who won? Yep! The Kirb-inator brought in the crush for a three play sweep leaving the other players wondering why they even bother to fool themselves into imagining that they might win. Three cheers for the triple crown wiener: HIP HIP WHO RAY! Next month we crush you Kirby ...FLAT!