Forsooth, your honor!

This was the first episode of Perry Mason I've ever watched in my life. Very appropriate that I started with the first episode. Not sure why Mason was not a staple in our household growing up. It was on CBS on Saturday's from 7:30 - 8:30 opposite People are Funny and Perry Como. But on second thought how could you not watch Linkletter or an ex-barber. Blame Game led us astray on the course of the plot which led me to pick the butler. Unfortunately there was no butler in this episode. The board game was not much better with my strategy failing me miserably. I can't remember the last time I won. I'm the anti-Lou Gehrig of game night. My consecutive loss streak must be in the 40s. Maybe it would help if I listened while the rules were explained. Or not.

The Secret to Perry Mason

Legal Beagle

March Masonary: Game One-"Let's watch an episode of Perry Mason and try and guess who dunnit"
OK. This should be a fun deal. Years ago the boys would sit around watch Mason and guess nearly every time. There was a formula! Killer appears at the scene of crime briefly and then early in the trial on the stand for a short question session before Perry would lower the boom at the denoument. Little did we know that tonights episode "The Case of the Restless Redhead" was the very first Mason episode and that the rules didn't apply here. First airing in 1957 A.D. it was the beginning of many a year of Perry programs. If only the show were as hot as some of E.S. Gardners paperback covers, eh? Anywho, Perry trampled the law like a criminal on coke! Hiding suspests, lying to the law, manufacturing and tampering with evidence! Zowie Perr! The jails would be empty of the culpable or filled with the innocent if there was enough of you to go around!

And below we see our winner, the one who guessed the murderer, a weazel faced motel operator with a thin mustache and a shrew wife! Oh! The MUDERER not the one who guessed, heh-heh! Sorry about that Dr. Kirby. We all know you don't work at a motel!

Game Two: "Perry Mason the Board Game"
More like the BORED game. Sheesh! I've had this one for nearly 4 decades and it is a yawner supreme. I warned all our players to NOT stop anyone from bringing in the suspect and winning the game. They were wise and kind enough to take my advice.

Below we see winner numero duo, a man of "Evil". Good Job Mr E, I don't recall the crime beyond the fact that the designer of this twist fest should be in prison.
And me? Blame Game? I doofed this so completely I'm too ashamed to show my entire face! I had no less than 3 different faux pas to my credit that kept me from ending this one a full half an hour from when it did. To the pen with me! The "play pen" that is! Gadzooks!

Doctor or Magician?

The Cases of the Restless Redhead and the Missing Suspects

First off, I am not pleased with the new menu at the Game Night Tavern. The word that springs to mind is crap. Measures may need to be taken as there is no way a game king can sustain himself for the rigors of competition with such sustenance. Pastys indeed!

Then, hats off to the new look shelving at the undisclosed location -

as well as to the AV crew for the night's televisual arrangement -

First rate!
The evening's first case:

What a potboiler! First of the immortal TV series to be aired in 1957 and what a way to begin, with a redhead for a client. Here Perry attempts to comfort a distraught Evelyn.

I think it's his sport coat that has set her off. Evelyn, by the way, was played by Whitney Blake, a blonde but certainly no slouch.

Task for the kings was to guess the murderer. Let's see: rich guy and his red headed actress "fiance" or sleazy motel owner and his nagging wife. Not a big list of suspects but still stumped us, except for the Doc who hedged his bets by picking half the list.


Ok, half a point.
Then on to the board game part of the evening, The case of the Missing Suspects.


Play was as lame as the title suggests.


And what, exactly, did this have to do with Perry Mason? Nada. Evil drags in his suspect 1st. Should have been called the Lt. Tragg Game.


How about another redhead?

And, for you X-Men mutant types, Wolverine Getting his Ass Kicked:

Jughead Explains the Game

Feb Fine Folly

The Crusades!!!! Boiled Historical Simulation the 2nd!
Yeah! The Crusades! Hoo-Ha! Two months in the planning! Night after night of boiling 12 pages of rules down to a single simple plan! Picking a night of holiday so as to accomodate as many players as possible! Hand crafting hundreds of individual game pieces! Sending out not one but two mailers to possible players! Many, many phone calls! Providing snacks, drinks and hot delivered food at your's truly's expense! Blowing up the game map by half again as big to create a play surface non pareil! Copying individual charts! Inviting up to 11 to play! And how did it go? Well ...we could have handled 9 out of the 11 but ...no sweat as we only got 4. The minimum number needed to play. Let's look at some of the reasons for the low turn out, hmmm? Number one: Romantic trysting! What can I say? Love, love, love! Warms the cuckolds of the heart! Can't get enough of the cuddlin'!

Number two: Work! This is totally understandable as no one wants to trade workin' a Friday or Saturday night for a Monday night off!

Number three: Sickness! OK, I'd really rather not have anyone deserting loved ones and spreading possible plague in the process. Why his pal faked is ...well ...his pal's choice.

Number four:Snow!Yup! There was lot's of snow and getting physically stuck is ... getting physically stuck!

Number five: "Meh!" Disinterest.Fine. Get some rest!

Number six: no response. The wall. Blankness. Zero. Null. Zippety-doo-dah!


This is what they missed!!! Just look at Jerusalem!

Zowie! Flames Hot oil! Chaos! Men croaking each other in ways both fantastic and surreal! Anyway this is the picture I imagined would take place as the players faced off around Jerusalem. Enough to make any gamer giddy with excitement, isn't it? OOH! The thrills! Can't wait to see the big siege take place. Read part 2 of this for a blow by blow of the epic struggle for the holy prize. Hot Zing!

Ferocious land combat! Check this! Knights and Saracens gripped in the heat of deadly combat. Steel slashing and piercing sinew and flesh. Daggers! Arrows! Scimitars! Tooth gritting death in the push and pull of mass locked armies! King hell and Judas Priest!!! GAAAAARRR!!


Sea battles? Oh Yes, please YES!!! If only the hot air balloon had been thought up there would have been fightin' in all dimensions! Sock-dolager indeedy! Can't wait for this! Ramming speed!!!!
And I, as the Mosul Turkish player, could see that this game would require above all brains! Yes! A cunning and devious plan would be needed to thwart the might of christendom from descending for the big land grab. I felt up to the task!
My first bit if fox work? Go where the enemy is not and make tactical retreats where demanded! This will work! He who fights and runs away my live etc. but how about he who just runs and doesn't fight until he picks the right time and place, eh? That way all the strength is saved for the big battle that matters, right? Yeah! Let's see how that worked out shall we? OOH! What a sly one we have in my Turkish command! Check out part two of the Crusades and see how it all went! Too Cool, yew betchah!!!

Going Medieval

Ripped from the headlines (in a way).

Recorded for posterity.

The timetable. No lollygagging.

The Game Kings undertake the venerable Strategy & Tactics "The Crusades", a graduate level seminar boiled down to Game Night dimensions by blame game. Here the Franks, Normans and other assorted gemanic warlords enter from Byzantium (now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople).

We can see the levant is totally unprepared for the onslaught of the infidel. Cover those ports!

And now the knights are afloat, meanwhile bearing down by land on Antioch.

Napolean would approve. Time to order pizza. A shout out to Pizza Luce and their delicious Ruby Rae upside down pizza, delivered to our undisclosed location during the blizzard.

First blood is drawn as Antioch tumbles like an overloaded serving tray in the first siege turn.

And just like that the Siciliani are slicing through Palestine for the Holy City.

Treachery carries the day and, as it turns out, the game. Jerusalem falls with wailing and knashing of teeth not to a prolonged and bloody siege but a fifth column. The true cross is seized. Visions are had.

In a final insult to the Caliphate a poorly defended Damascus falls by cruel attrition.

And so it ends. Insha'Allah and Deus Veult!