The Cases of the Restless Redhead and the Missing Suspects

First off, I am not pleased with the new menu at the Game Night Tavern. The word that springs to mind is crap. Measures may need to be taken as there is no way a game king can sustain himself for the rigors of competition with such sustenance. Pastys indeed!

Then, hats off to the new look shelving at the undisclosed location -

as well as to the AV crew for the night's televisual arrangement -

First rate!
The evening's first case:

What a potboiler! First of the immortal TV series to be aired in 1957 and what a way to begin, with a redhead for a client. Here Perry attempts to comfort a distraught Evelyn.

I think it's his sport coat that has set her off. Evelyn, by the way, was played by Whitney Blake, a blonde but certainly no slouch.

Task for the kings was to guess the murderer. Let's see: rich guy and his red headed actress "fiance" or sleazy motel owner and his nagging wife. Not a big list of suspects but still stumped us, except for the Doc who hedged his bets by picking half the list.


Ok, half a point.
Then on to the board game part of the evening, The case of the Missing Suspects.


Play was as lame as the title suggests.


And what, exactly, did this have to do with Perry Mason? Nada. Evil drags in his suspect 1st. Should have been called the Lt. Tragg Game.


How about another redhead?

And, for you X-Men mutant types, Wolverine Getting his Ass Kicked:

Jughead Explains the Game

Feb Fine Folly

The Crusades!!!! Boiled Historical Simulation the 2nd!
Yeah! The Crusades! Hoo-Ha! Two months in the planning! Night after night of boiling 12 pages of rules down to a single simple plan! Picking a night of holiday so as to accomodate as many players as possible! Hand crafting hundreds of individual game pieces! Sending out not one but two mailers to possible players! Many, many phone calls! Providing snacks, drinks and hot delivered food at your's truly's expense! Blowing up the game map by half again as big to create a play surface non pareil! Copying individual charts! Inviting up to 11 to play! And how did it go? Well ...we could have handled 9 out of the 11 but ...no sweat as we only got 4. The minimum number needed to play. Let's look at some of the reasons for the low turn out, hmmm? Number one: Romantic trysting! What can I say? Love, love, love! Warms the cuckolds of the heart! Can't get enough of the cuddlin'!

Number two: Work! This is totally understandable as no one wants to trade workin' a Friday or Saturday night for a Monday night off!

Number three: Sickness! OK, I'd really rather not have anyone deserting loved ones and spreading possible plague in the process. Why his pal faked is ...well ...his pal's choice.

Number four:Snow!Yup! There was lot's of snow and getting physically stuck is ... getting physically stuck!

Number five: "Meh!" Disinterest.Fine. Get some rest!

Number six: no response. The wall. Blankness. Zero. Null. Zippety-doo-dah!


This is what they missed!!! Just look at Jerusalem!

Zowie! Flames Hot oil! Chaos! Men croaking each other in ways both fantastic and surreal! Anyway this is the picture I imagined would take place as the players faced off around Jerusalem. Enough to make any gamer giddy with excitement, isn't it? OOH! The thrills! Can't wait to see the big siege take place. Read part 2 of this for a blow by blow of the epic struggle for the holy prize. Hot Zing!

Ferocious land combat! Check this! Knights and Saracens gripped in the heat of deadly combat. Steel slashing and piercing sinew and flesh. Daggers! Arrows! Scimitars! Tooth gritting death in the push and pull of mass locked armies! King hell and Judas Priest!!! GAAAAARRR!!


Sea battles? Oh Yes, please YES!!! If only the hot air balloon had been thought up there would have been fightin' in all dimensions! Sock-dolager indeedy! Can't wait for this! Ramming speed!!!!
And I, as the Mosul Turkish player, could see that this game would require above all brains! Yes! A cunning and devious plan would be needed to thwart the might of christendom from descending for the big land grab. I felt up to the task!
My first bit if fox work? Go where the enemy is not and make tactical retreats where demanded! This will work! He who fights and runs away my live etc. but how about he who just runs and doesn't fight until he picks the right time and place, eh? That way all the strength is saved for the big battle that matters, right? Yeah! Let's see how that worked out shall we? OOH! What a sly one we have in my Turkish command! Check out part two of the Crusades and see how it all went! Too Cool, yew betchah!!!

Going Medieval

Ripped from the headlines (in a way).

Recorded for posterity.

The timetable. No lollygagging.

The Game Kings undertake the venerable Strategy & Tactics "The Crusades", a graduate level seminar boiled down to Game Night dimensions by blame game. Here the Franks, Normans and other assorted gemanic warlords enter from Byzantium (now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople).

We can see the levant is totally unprepared for the onslaught of the infidel. Cover those ports!

And now the knights are afloat, meanwhile bearing down by land on Antioch.

Napolean would approve. Time to order pizza. A shout out to Pizza Luce and their delicious Ruby Rae upside down pizza, delivered to our undisclosed location during the blizzard.

First blood is drawn as Antioch tumbles like an overloaded serving tray in the first siege turn.

And just like that the Siciliani are slicing through Palestine for the Holy City.

Treachery carries the day and, as it turns out, the game. Jerusalem falls with wailing and knashing of teeth not to a prolonged and bloody siege but a fifth column. The true cross is seized. Visions are had.

In a final insult to the Caliphate a poorly defended Damascus falls by cruel attrition.

And so it ends. Insha'Allah and Deus Veult!

Crusades! part II

Crusades! Second of 2 !
Here we see the Knightly duo smug in their position as takers of other's property. The Syrians and Turks will just have to see about that! Bring it on Boys! Stout walls and boilin' oil await!





Antioch is filled with Saracen soldiers and the coastal towns are ready, manned to the max with the Turkish team.

Suddenly it all seems to soon nearly over as the chain clad clunkers smash their way through the defenders walls. Wait a minute! Weren't there supposed to be land battles? What the?!? There's barely been a siege and suddenly ...BOING!

Jerusalem's taken by treachery! D'oh! Not even a rock tossed down on the Christian crumbs! Didn't anyone bother to spit?!? Evidently not! One die roll and the whole dang thing is over. The Syrian fink flees with one measly army point and Jerusalem is now in Crusader hands along with the One True Cross! Well! There goes the game! Remember that pic of flames and siege towers and epic chaos and everything up above? Nope. Not in this scenario. Just a quick exit by Iscariot with his thirty pieces of silver and it's all over but the looting. Nice. At least things can't get much worse, right?

HA! Evidently that's a double laugher 'cause guess what? Here's the cross and chalice guys sittin' in Damascus! Not even ever an historical reality! Huh wha!!?!?!?!? Another simple die roll and the big town goes down. At least here there was the semblance of a fight. Some minor defense no matter how weak! I'll say this for the Syrians, they didn't just get up and clear out like the Turks did twice. Discretion was the better part of valor for them though as they needed every man they could get for their unsuccessful siege of Antioch!

Here's the winner taking a deep breath before his glorius Deus Vult wahoo! Nice going "E". Our heads were handed to us in style!

The big loser? Li'l ol' Blame Game! Here we see his half grinned puss swallowing defeat yet again! Crown of Jughead for you buster! That'll teach ya' tah invite Europeans over for a friendly contest!

And now ...the "Sophisticate's Analyasis"!

The "Sophisticate "sez:

Truly a flawed meeting! East had slim to none chance against the West especially given the formers inability to roll bupkiss on the random events table but plague and chaos! The invaders had it nearly all their way with ships aplenty to insure mobility that the lack luster wits of the Islamic duo could not counter. If only a fifth player had been present in the form of Egypt there surely might have been more fight in the Moslems. A pity! My recommendation? Try this one again! Laffs aplenty and with seven players and a referee (as was originally intended) this game would be tip top!

Heard in the Main Tap

From an article in the Star Tribune 2/22/11 – Pam Louwagie

Protests grip, divide Wisconsin

Across Wisconsin, the showdown at the Capitol is consuming normally polite conversation. Before it flared up a week ago, few had reason to question their neighbors' views on unions, government and taxes. Now, the topic is difficult to ignore. "It's such a heated subject," said 43-year-old Doug Newton, who, reflecting his politics, chose a stool in the middle of a long wooden bar at the Main Tap in Oregon, Wis., a town of about 9,000 in farm country 10 miles south of Madison. In small towns especially, taking a stand can mean lost friendships and business. "Everybody's being really careful what they say," Newton said.

Well, not everybody.

"I think it's ridiculous. I think [the protesters] should go home where they belong," said 86-year-old June Starr, who sat on one end of the bar with her husband, sipping on a glass of blush wine. "Ninety-nine percent of them are making too much damn money. All three of our children have been out of work" in the private sector, she said.

What can this wonderful text from Ms. Louwagie tell us, not just about the situation in Wisconsin, but about world and U.S. political economy? Contrary to the comic setup for the quote from the piece's heroine, June Starr, I'm inclined to accept that Mr. Newton's statement, "Everybody's being really careful what they say", applies to her as well.

There are many reasons for being careful about what you say on politics. Certainly a glass of blush wine can loosen the tongue but it seems like nothing can get the conversation flowing in contemporary America like facile agreement with reactionary commonplaces. Ms. Starr has recognized just such a situation and it has stirred her to point out the obvious absurdity. Objects and people out of place have always been a staple of comedy. At 86 our speaker has surely earned the right to voice her opinion while her husband stays silent and to patronize the Main Tap instead of tending their home. And she has the life experience to recognize just where it is that people belong in this day and age when they are being seen, in growing numbers, nearly everywhere that they have no business being.

Having set the comedy premise she now focuses on the root of the problem, people making too damn much money. Ninety-nine percent of them anyway. Because there is one percent of the country who needs to make as much money as physically possible or we are all damned. It's predestined. Of course I'm aware this is not what she meant. Likely she is just allowing for the possibility of some public worker, somewhere, who is worth her hire. In any case, there is wide agreement, both at the Main Tap and in the citadels of austerity that the ongoing economic catastrophe has nothing to do with inadequate demand. At a time when Keynesian stimuli are needed more than ever and yet less effective than ever the political alignment on display in Wisconsin is ensuring that the economy will consume itself down to the last dollar rather than take the one road out of the wilderness available to it.

June Starr and her family are aware of the gravity of the situation. My guess is that the children are approaching retirement age and that "out of work" is no laughing matter. Without more information on the family's situation and politics we can make few conclusions. Ms. Starr feels that hard times justify hard times and the squeeze on her children authorize both her position as a spokeswoman before this stranger from The Cities and the depth of her resentment of all those who have dared to venture out of doors.

Rosie's Main Tap, Oregon, WI

"This is a godsend for us," said Ken Clary, who owns a small gourmet popcorn shop near the Capitol. "We're up probably 300 to 400 percent."

The World Wide Web is Our Oyster

Don't know about you, my buckaroos, but I've always kind of thought of this blog as a closely guarded secret, viewed mainly by the Game Kings themselves, past & present, if that. Well, not so fast, Wyatt Earp. Seems that the Kings are an international phenomenon:

Amazing, no? Game buffs from around the world, checking out the one-of-a-kind boardgame action here in our own major midwestern railroad hub. What do you suppose brought these eager eyes around these parts?

Oh... I see. Breasts. Well, come for the breasts, stay for the unbelievably witty gaming. Of course my Pubilius Syrus post is also a big hit. No tits there. Just sensible and fail-proof tips for getting lucky. But then this guy got a few hits too:

Easy ladies. Boy's taken.