game kings

carol of the old ones

2011-12-22T15:53:00.000-06:00

Frank wishes the Game Night gang Merry Xmas!

2011-12-22T11:56:00.001-06:00

Live Long & Prosper

2011-12-14T16:45:00.001-06:00

Beetman & Nimoy, a photo by Link.n.Logs on Flickr.

Happy Birthday, Sammy!

2011-12-08T11:22:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas from Louise

2011-12-08T09:53:00.001-06:00

Fubar 2 Fubar

2011-12-07T10:51:00.001-06:00

The feature for Bad Xmas Movie Night on 12/12/11 will be Fubar: Balls to the Wall. This is a sequel to the small budget film Fubar (2002). Not that the beauty, eh, of F:BttW cannot be appreciated without knowing its predecessor but here's a little background anyway, from Wikipedia:

FUBAR is a 2002 mockumentary film, directed by Michael Dowse, based on the lives of two lifelong friends and head-bangers living out their lives, constantly drinking beer. FUBAR debuted at the Sundance Film Festival in the 'Park City at Midnight' category, which previously launched such films as The Blair Witch Project. Since its release, it has gained critical acclaim and a cult status in North America, but especially within Western Canada. It was both filmed and set in Alberta, particularly in and around Calgary.
It was filmed entirely with digital cinematography, on a shoestring budget that required many involved with the project to max out their credit cards in order to complete the movie (according to an interview on their official website). Many of the people featured in the movie (including the fist-fighters) were bystanders who thought that the filmmakers were shooting a documentary on the common man.
FUBAR features characters partly based on a comedy routine performed by David Lawrence and Paul Spence that they developed based on the head-banger subculture. David Lawrence, Paul Spence, and S.C. Lim also appear in Michael Dowse's movie, It's All Gone Pete Tong. (Dr. S.C. Lim plays himself in FUBAR as Dean's doctor. Lim actually is Michael Dowse's doctor.) The characters of Terry and Dean were later seen again, featured in the Michael Dowse-directed music video "The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism" by The New Pornographers.

...

This is the story of two lifelong friends, Terry (David Lawrence) and Dean (Paul Spence), who have grown up together: Shotgunning their first beers, forming their first garage band, and growing the great Canadian mullet known as "Hockey Hair". The lives of these Alberta everymen are brought to the big screen by documentarian Farrel Mitchner (Gordon Skilling), a young director who decides to take a look at Terry and Dean through a lens, exploring the depths of friendship, the fragility of life, growing up gracefully, and the art and science of drinking beer "like a man".
Their lives are complicated by a snubbing by their "party leader" Troy, better known as Tron (Andrew Sparacino). When Farrel discovers that Dean is hiding a serious case of testicular cancer, the wheels are set in motion for Dean to seek treatmentfrom Dr. S.C. Lim (Dr. S.C. Lim). With Dean's last weekend before surgery approaching, Terry decides to take Dean, Farrel and the film crew camping. Things take an unexpected turn by the third day, and Terry and Dean must cope with further tragedy.

The Invisible Hand Screws Us All

2011-11-17T11:32:00.001-06:00

The Game Kings prepare to play the market. Ripped from the headlines. Zeus has his own plans.

The market opens.

This is going to be a headscratcher.

Hopes and fears are on the line.

PROFITS DOWN!

Read it and weep. All of us lost money.

But one of us loss less. Mr. Still Has Some Moneybags.

Million dollars

2011-11-15T15:00:00.001-06:00

Million dollars a video by Link.n.Logs on Flickr.

Victory to the Glorious Red Army!

2011-11-15T14:48:00.002-06:00

Debacle!
Sure, we were all caught unawares by the swift victory of the Red Army. Nobody expected Capitalist resistence to collapse so quickly but that is the nature of class struggle.
The bourgeoisie lives by the acceleration of production but, at the same time, seeks to slow the pace of struggle.

But, in the end, the contending forces will take their position.

Stay alert, comrades!

The Red Army advances!

And, at last, the ruling class, appalled and disheartened, removes itself from the scene and retreats to the dustbin of history.

Tonight We Ride!!!

2011-11-14T10:12:00.003-06:00

Game Night tonight.

Will I feast on the entrails of my opponents, drink the very marrow from their bones and show them a hell unlike any from their worst nightmares...or will I merely gorge myself on Fritos and Schoolboy cookies, and let the dice roll as they may?

Stay tuned, gentle reader, for tonight--WE RIDE!!

Roky Erickson - Night of the Vampire

2011-10-28T11:16:00.001-05:00

Kitty in a Casket - Bride of the Monster

2011-10-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

It's After the End of the World

2011-10-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

Don't you know that yet.The words of the prophet, Sun Ra. And this old white guy is on the spaceship too. But let us break it into stages.

Stage One: Unbridled Speculation

The young, the old, the idle rich, the dissolute, the desperate and the rapacious; by this stage all the parasitic elements of society have entered the game.

Speculators surge from auction to auction snapping up classics and forgeries alike blinded by the belief that whatever unbelievable price they may pay today someone else will double tomorrow.

Even untutored musicians gamble and win.

Until, that is, the game ends.

"As is always the case, prosperity very rapidly encouraged speculation. Speculation regularly occurs in periods when overproduction is already in full swing. It provides overproduction with temporary market outlets, while for this very reason precipitating the outbreak of the crisis and increasing its force. The crisis itself first breaks out in the area of speculation; only later does it hit production. What appears to the superficial observer to be the cause of the crisis is not overproduction but excess speculation, but this is itself only a symptom of overproduction. The subsequent disruption of production does not appear as a consequence of its own previous exuberance but merely as a setback caused by the collapse of speculation." Karl Marx

Stage Two: It All Comes Crashing Down


There comes a time in all markets when promises and professions must give way to solid objects. As St. Peter says to Dante "Now the alloy and the weight of this money have been well examined; but tell me if you have it in your purse." Or, as Marx goes on to say, "Under the ideal measure of values there lurks the hard cash."

And so the hapless and the hardy race across the denuded landscape scrambling for guns and groceries before popping into the shelter, if they're lucky. This fellow was, but what a price he paid.


Stage Three: Madness

Which brings us around, as so often before, to the inexplicable, tangled world of Lovecraft. I've done that already and we all know where it leads:

Look carefully into the Die of Fate.

Take heed in these dangerous times. Board games, are they the answer or can overindulgence lead to this:

Click here for even more Game Night goodies

October-pests!

2011-10-13T13:41:00.009-05:00

Game one:"Masterpiece"
Art snobs sign in please! Round and round we go bidding on art that usually turns out to be worth far less than what we paid for it if it's worth anything at all! Is there some un-subtle message that the center of the playing board is a self portrait of Vincent VanGogh? It took me several years to hunt this baby down at a garage sale and it was worth the wait. Each player was assigned a character from the game box pic. I was ...uh ...Victor? Raul? Bah! That's me with the beard and my hand up on the cover wishing it was a booze filled glass. I made my character a sodden rich drunk and he played exactly as cast! I ended the game with the least money, completely spifflicated and holdiong a fake DeKooning to boot! Hey! I bought it 'cuz I liked it, not for some pedestrian monetary gain! *HIC!*

Here we see our winner the sly "Cinnamon"! A former rock groupie who cast a bewitching mesmer spell over the entire field of play. In the pic above she stares beyond her controlling eminence gris at a stark fave painting of a lonely midnight diner haunted by minimal patrons and help, a sure sign that Halloween is not far off!

Game 2:"Zombiegeddon"

Wait ...we played this one before! Yeah! I should just tell you to look at the other posting and save my aching fingers the torture of typing!
Wait yet again! Is this some kind of "POG" game variant?!? No!
Let's not ask this guy! He obviously isn't sure where he is let alone what he might be doing!

Yep! We played this before but half the crew was gone so we reprised it. And it was great! Again! AND (this is the best part ...) I won! WOO-HOO! Cheers to me! The top back stabbin', shelter hoggin', zombie poppin' king o' the board! POW! Bring on the walkin' dead! I'm armed and ready to go!

Game 3:"Cthulu Dice"
Roll the bone and bet you brains. You get 3. Lose your brains and you're insane but not out! Winner is the last one with a firing neuron. Fast, simple and fun. What more could you want? Inexpensive? Yeah ...it's that too!

Dr. K took the first round and clearly came too close to the edge of madness from the encounter to draw back in time. Easy there doc! Keep telling yourself: "It's just a game,IT'S JUST A GAME!!!!"
This is smilin' me after winnnin' the second go round! Why no mad stare from moi? Far too close to the borders of sanity on a daily basis to let yet another dance on the edge disturb me! See you in November!

September tries

2011-10-13T12:05:00.008-05:00

Game one: "Sky Runner"
Neato! Build a 3 story skyscraper and then climb it, all the while trying to keep the competition from getting topside before you.
The climb is controlled by cards. Opponents can be foiled by playing equipment failure cards

It's also possible to hoist yourself up on other players backs. None of these cunning strategies were employed by yours truly who brought home the win. See me grin! Yeah! I just held back and gathered equipment while the others tore at each others lines and when the time was ripe I climbed like a monkey on fire! Just call me "Topper"! (Helps if the game is yours and you can scan the rules in advance.) Fun! Play it again sometime.

Game two:"Zombie Dice"

Roll the dice until you bang out your brains. Last man left with most brains wins.

Above we see the winner and our own version of Al Einstein. Doesn't speak well for the overall I.Q. rating of the game gang but hey ...it's about the fun not the thought!
Game three:"Duel"
Below Dr. Kirby wracks his top knot trying to mesmer a move. Giant dice are lined up and rolled the number of dots showing in a straight line or a one turn line. Tumbling on the adversaries die takes it off the board. Normal gigantic six sided dice are used except the one kingping die which has one dot on all six sides. Capture it and you win.
It's possible to almost smell the light curls of smoke issuing from Dr. Kirby's ears as he struggles with the complexity of the game board in the photo above.
All to no avail. The devious "D" dices the Doc and ends the game with mitts full of square triumph! Odd, as the other pic made it look like Dr. K was the burgundy boy. Hmmm ...have to look into that!
Game four:"Hooked"

A"fish for all" in this Minnesota original. Get the lures and leeches guys! 3 boats venture forth onto the lake trying to land lunkers. It's all in the cards. We played 2 teams versus me! Guess who lost? Yeah ...no problem figuring that out. Spent all my time dockside moanin' about my dry line.
Above are the winners, Ahab and Starbuck gloating over the tuna tin. Nice work Swabs! Don't forget to "mount" the trophy! See you next month!
,

How to Draw a Comic Book

2011-09-29T11:37:00.001-05:00

This is what I was up against. In my mind I couldn't help but take a drawing lesson. Using two circles to make a human figure. Two circles. Medicate me.

Fear of heights.

Up we go.

The Colonel takes this.

Hey, I wuz distracted.

Finally, a game that requires BRAINS!

Dr. Kirby explains the concept.

What he didn't explain was how he "doctored" the dice in the first round. The Frog tries his luck.

I emerge from my drawing lesson to master the second round.

Then the Zombie Showdown. Colonel displays the minty freshness.

I take the Duel.

And then my camera ran down. The last game was a fishing competition. Colonel was grumpy because he didn't have no fishin' buddy. Dr. & me trumped with three trophy swimmers. Kind of like this:

It was swell to get back to the table.

August gusto!

2011-09-08T12:22:00.008-05:00

Bad movie night! Yeah! Here we go! First up ..."Dean Martin Variety Show"
Ev'ahbuddy luvs sumbuddy, right Dean? Cheese connot be sliced thicker than this and still tolerated. Thankfully we only viewed about 10 minutes. Seemed longer. Reminds me of what TV used to be back in days of yore and why many found it a BORE! Let's let Nick Tosches sum up Mr. Martin's last gasp. Below is a pic of a page from Nick's book "Dino". A damnation summation.

View Two: "Spaceship" by Puddle of Mud (?)

"Let's get it over and just get NAKED!" Yeah baby, Rock n Roll!
View Three: "Brit-Knee"

Geez ...this is almost embarrassing! Watchin' her beat up "Paps" and groan over some knuckle dragger who can't hit his mouth with a milk carton? What's the game crew come to?
View Four: "Family Guy"

This was hilarious ...to me! The dog get's down with Quagmire's Dad. Not for everyone. I laughed.
View Five: "The Avengers"
How long could you stand watching Emma Peel get chased around by silver skinned, trench coated, dark spec sportin' robots? All night! Classic Avengery via "Evil" E. Thanks!
View Six: "Uh ..."

Yeah, B's bro B brought in some classic vid but ...must have been a fun night cuz I can't recall. Yes, yes I did have a martini, mea culpa. Did not drive until I was sober! ( 1 drink at 5, drive at 9)

View Seven: "Death to all but METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hit of the night! Haven't seen this video yet? Well ...get your peepers over to Youtube and start the visual feast. Big, big laughs! Even the Missus thinks this one is a slap knee hoot! See ya next month when we'll be back on the die rollin' schedule!

Orson Recommends the New Bad Movie Night Cave

2011-08-31T12:20:00.000-05:00

July-bation

2011-07-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

Game one: "Zombiegeddon" Alright! Let'as start the eve with an ol' fashioned brain eater beater. The object of this game is to collect guns 'n' supplies during the first part and in the second part to KILL THEM ZOMBIES while getting your own markers safely into shelter. Actually not as brutal as it sounds and far more of a cerebral puzzler than an actual whomp down.
Still ...lots of fun and comes with a recommendation in spite of the fact that the winner was half an undead grey matter ghoul himself. We see the triumphant Dr Kirby hiding his win grin behind the game container above.

Game two: "Destination Mars"

Hmm ...sounds like it might be fun ...awfully small board ...cool rockets though ...only two players? Well, this was a basic card draw, count dots and first to the finish is the winnah. *yawn* This MUST have been a free give away with some kind of sign up for cable TV or something! A magazine subscription? Prize for selling flower seed packets? I doubt even an 8 year old would be fooled into playing this more than once. Isn't it possible to at least throw in some fun Mars facts? I guess there was planetary facts in the cards but ...man! Can we go back to beatin' zombies pleeze?
Here we see the dynamic 12" by 4" inch game board simulating the treacherous trip to the red planet. *GASP!* OH! The peril! How did our contestants ever make this flight of danger?
The rockets were neato retro but ...only 2 of them? seems a gyp not to mention a waste of a great marker.

Well, no surprises that the triumph went to Dr K. Above we see him hitting the ham with the liliputian box this game comes in. I believe I'll cut this baby up for parts. Gotta be a better way to use those rockets!

Game three: "Mind Maze"

Cue ominous theremin music. Mind Maze! Will your puny mentality be able to withstand it's frightening rigors? Mind Maze! A challenge to strain the brain of mortals planetwide! Mind Maze! Made for the Mensa set!

It's obvious from the pic on the box cover that this "no peek" variation of "Tickle Bee' (Anyone recall that game? Anyone?) has the same magnetic premise: get the marble to the goal. Ta-Da! The gag here is that you set up a maze for your opponent to run while they do the same for you and first one done takes the laurel.

Above "Evil E" and Dr Kirby struggle with each other labyrinths trying to raise their steel marker to the goal.

And the winner? Well ...after a short time everyone gave up. This after flipping the board and being unable to run the maze that they themselves had constructed. HA! Blame Game had the best seat in the house watching them both try over and over again, each slowly beating their ball against an impassable wall. Ahem!
Evil takes a look and still has a challlenge trying to wiggle the steely along. Give up man! The clocks run out and our three guy game play has come to an end for yet another month. See you in August with hopefully a far better turn out!

May Hem!

2011-06-23T11:48:00.000-05:00

Game One: "The Magnificent Race"

Here we go! A throw back to days of yore when board games meant playtested gimmicks! This one was a gamblin' marble race with the real possibility that no one could win. Can you imagine? The game could actually beat us all! A nonentity made of cardboard and chemically altered oil! Fantastic! Surreal! Thankfully for humanity a personage of flesh and blood won. See his gloating triumph in picture number 2. The upshot of this 1970's near antique was to fill your card with wins from 4 sets of races, balloon, auto, boat and aeroplane. Why 2 air races? Well ...I imagine they had to round out this square somehow. Lot's of fun son. I'd play this again in no time, especially if it doesn't move out at my next convention. Nice and a plus recommendo!

(Now ...at this point in the evening the gamesters were given a choice as to what the next selection would be. "Cheeky Monkey" or "Waterworld". And the winner? "Cheeky Monkey". More on this later.)

Game Two: "Cheeky Monkey"

This is a game of guts and random draws. I knew my strategy would be devil may care abandon from the start. Chips with pics of various animals are placed in a cloth bag and drawn out one at a time. When 2 of the same are pulled they all go back. If the player stops before the match they keep the chips drawn. Value of animals is judged by rarity of their images on the chips. A simple childs game suitable for ages 7 and up. I recklessly drew over and over emptying my kept chip pile to zero again and again, and then, at the end, I drew and saved the lucky combo to bring home the win! Take that all you game night lames! In picture 3 we see special guest Big Boss "B" holding the monkey box. The number 4 photo shows me with my full wart hog gloat on. MMMMMM!!!! Victory sweet!

Game Four: "We Didn't Play Test at All or Either"

This is actually kind of a retread for us. Played round after round just to fill up the extra time we had. Fun? How can a game that lasts 5 minutes and gives such chortles to mortals not be graded high?

And the victors? Let's look:

Winnah One!

Winnah Two!

Winnah Three!

And finally we see the card that, while not giving a win, prevented anyone from winning ala Professor Tung style. So fine the shine! Spite makes rite!

See my smarmy smirk at having taught everyone a real lesson in poor sportsmanship! Cheeze!

And now a word about games not chosen. It was put to a vote whether we should open a sealed copy of "Cheeky Monkey" OR a minty fresh factory sealed vintage copy of "Waterworld". And everyone chooses "Cheeky Monkey"?!?! What planet are we on? Grown men now pick a aminal match game over the possibility of "sinking the Deeze"? WHA-HUH?!?!?! Did anyone not see the slimy evil of Dennis Hopper in this Kevin Costner extravaganza? The rusting boiled hulk of the Exxon Valdez run by filthy smokers laying a final polluted layer of crap over the earth coverin' briny? And we're going to lay paws in a bag to pull wildlife tokens instead? Mother of mercy! Is this what the game gang is reduced to? Stay tuned folks. We'll see if the "Deeze" don't do some damage by and by in July! Hasta lumbago!

Behind the Blue Door

2011-06-03T12:27:00.000-05:00

Checking out The Blue Door. Tiny place. Not so hot on burger stuffed with cheese. But the food not stuffed with cheese was great.

Then it's off to the races.

All round approval for the roulettey action (see video below). Evil is first around the world.

Cheeky Monkees.

We fumbled a bit with the rules (maybe the ones for 5 year olds were more our speed) but once we got it down it was way cheeky.

Stopping with Wally the Walrus was the right thing to do.

Second Night in a row for this one.

And these are the rules.

Outstanding & quick. "Fun is mandatory." Well ain't that the truth!

Round and around they go

2011-06-01T09:48:00.000-05:00

Mesmerizing

April Fuel !

2011-04-28T12:11:00.000-05:00

Game Three:"We Didn't Play Test This At All"
OK ...let's take these in reverse order. "WDPTTAL", as we like to refer to it, was a sock rollickin' laugh hardy mess o' joy. How can I recommend this game enough? Not possible! Who won you ask? Who cares I reply! Went 2 rounds with this whacky pasteboard offer and could have gone the entire night just playing this over and over. I think Red Frog took one round or maybe we all lost. Can't recall. Too busy holdin' my sides to try and keep them splittin' from the laughter! Short rules and total chaos! Get this now you must! Yep!

Game Two: "Mad. The Card Game"

Now we've played Mad the board game before and it was a tunne o' funne. The Mad Card game was likewise weighty with pleasure. Below we see the winning hands. Red Frog and Evil E may be mad but not in an angry way with this one. Picked it up at a yard sale last season and had to get the rules online. Well worth the effort. Try it, if you can find it!

Game One: "Asteroyds"

Movable asteroids are set up on a hex board and moved at the beginning of each turn by a random throw of three dice, one red, one blue and one white. Contestants must maneuver their spacecraft via a timed pre-plotted course to land on asteroids marked with unique symbols. Well, that all sounds pretty arcane but it's not really that bad. Actually simple once you get started. Tricky to win though as it's easy to outsmart yourself as to where your landing pad will be. Evil rejoices at his master moves which brought him in for the win. Played several rounds and I believe Dr Kirby took the first win. He also brought the game. A good mover with expansion rules (which we did not use) to add to the complexity. Try this one too.

This is a close up of one of the ships at a target landing station. OOH! Spacey!

And let's close out with a DEVO quote!

"Cube top, squared off, eight corners, ninety degree angles,

flat top, stare straight ahead, stock parts, BLOCK HEAD!"

See ya next month! Hopefully two more side of our little square circle (Dennis, & Room n Board) will make the groovy scene. They were sorely missed this month.

Forsooth, your honor!

2011-03-31T09:30:00.000-05:00

2011-03-28T16:50:00.000-05:00

This was the first episode of Perry Mason I've ever watched in my life. Very appropriate that I started with the first episode. Not sure why Mason was not a staple in our household growing up. It was on CBS on Saturday's from 7:30 - 8:30 opposite People are Funny and Perry Como. But on second thought how could you not watch Linkletter or an ex-barber. Blame Game led us astray on the course of the plot which led me to pick the butler. Unfortunately there was no butler in this episode. The board game was not much better with my strategy failing me miserably. I can't remember the last time I won. I'm the anti-Lou Gehrig of game night. My consecutive loss streak must be in the 40s. Maybe it would help if I listened while the rules were explained. Or not.

The Secret to Perry Mason

2011-03-23T14:17:00.000-05:00

Legal Beagle

2011-03-23T12:37:00.001-05:00

March Masonary: Game One-"Let's watch an episode of Perry Mason and try and guess who dunnit"
OK. This should be a fun deal. Years ago the boys would sit around watch Mason and guess nearly every time. There was a formula! Killer appears at the scene of crime briefly and then early in the trial on the stand for a short question session before Perry would lower the boom at the denoument. Little did we know that tonights episode "The Case of the Restless Redhead" was the very first Mason episode and that the rules didn't apply here. First airing in 1957 A.D. it was the beginning of many a year of Perry programs. If only the show were as hot as some of E.S. Gardners paperback covers, eh? Anywho, Perry trampled the law like a criminal on coke! Hiding suspests, lying to the law, manufacturing and tampering with evidence! Zowie Perr! The jails would be empty of the culpable or filled with the innocent if there was enough of you to go around!

And below we see our winner, the one who guessed the murderer, a weazel faced motel operator with a thin mustache and a shrew wife! Oh! The MUDERER not the one who guessed, heh-heh! Sorry about that Dr. Kirby. We all know you don't work at a motel!

Game Two: "Perry Mason the Board Game"
More like the BORED game. Sheesh! I've had this one for nearly 4 decades and it is a yawner supreme. I warned all our players to NOT stop anyone from bringing in the suspect and winning the game. They were wise and kind enough to take my advice.

Below we see winner numero duo, a man of "Evil". Good Job Mr E, I don't recall the crime beyond the fact that the designer of this twist fest should be in prison.
And me? Blame Game? I doofed this so completely I'm too ashamed to show my entire face! I had no less than 3 different faux pas to my credit that kept me from ending this one a full half an hour from when it did. To the pen with me! The "play pen" that is! Gadzooks!

Doctor or Magician?

2011-03-22T16:39:00.000-05:00

The Cases of the Restless Redhead and the Missing Suspects

2011-03-22T11:40:00.000-05:00

First off, I am not pleased with the new menu at the Game Night Tavern. The word that springs to mind is crap. Measures may need to be taken as there is no way a game king can sustain himself for the rigors of competition with such sustenance. Pastys indeed!

Then, hats off to the new look shelving at the undisclosed location -

as well as to the AV crew for the night's televisual arrangement -

First rate!
The evening's first case:

What a potboiler! First of the immortal TV series to be aired in 1957 and what a way to begin, with a redhead for a client. Here Perry attempts to comfort a distraught Evelyn.

I think it's his sport coat that has set her off. Evelyn, by the way, was played by Whitney Blake, a blonde but certainly no slouch.

Task for the kings was to guess the murderer. Let's see: rich guy and his red headed actress "fiance" or sleazy motel owner and his nagging wife. Not a big list of suspects but still stumped us, except for the Doc who hedged his bets by picking half the list.

Ok, half a point.
Then on to the board game part of the evening, The case of the Missing Suspects.

Play was as lame as the title suggests.

And what, exactly, did this have to do with Perry Mason? Nada. Evil drags in his suspect 1st. Should have been called the Lt. Tragg Game.

How about another redhead?

And, for you X-Men mutant types, Wolverine Getting his Ass Kicked:

Jughead Explains the Game

2011-03-04T10:57:00.000-06:00

Feb Fine Folly

2011-03-03T12:10:00.000-06:00

The Crusades!!!! Boiled Historical Simulation the 2nd!
Yeah! The Crusades! Hoo-Ha! Two months in the planning! Night after night of boiling 12 pages of rules down to a single simple plan! Picking a night of holiday so as to accomodate as many players as possible! Hand crafting hundreds of individual game pieces! Sending out not one but two mailers to possible players! Many, many phone calls! Providing snacks, drinks and hot delivered food at your's truly's expense! Blowing up the game map by half again as big to create a play surface non pareil! Copying individual charts! Inviting up to 11 to play! And how did it go? Well ...we could have handled 9 out of the 11 but ...no sweat as we only got 4. The minimum number needed to play. Let's look at some of the reasons for the low turn out, hmmm? Number one: Romantic trysting! What can I say? Love, love, love! Warms the cuckolds of the heart! Can't get enough of the cuddlin'!

Number two: Work! This is totally understandable as no one wants to trade workin' a Friday or Saturday night for a Monday night off!

Number three: Sickness! OK, I'd really rather not have anyone deserting loved ones and spreading possible plague in the process. Why his pal faked is ...well ...his pal's choice.

Number four:Snow!Yup! There was lot's of snow and getting physically stuck is ... getting physically stuck!

Number five: "Meh!" Disinterest.Fine. Get some rest!

Number six: no response. The wall. Blankness. Zero. Null. Zippety-doo-dah!

This is what they missed!!! Just look at Jerusalem!

Zowie! Flames Hot oil! Chaos! Men croaking each other in ways both fantastic and surreal! Anyway this is the picture I imagined would take place as the players faced off around Jerusalem. Enough to make any gamer giddy with excitement, isn't it? OOH! The thrills! Can't wait to see the big siege take place. Read part 2 of this for a blow by blow of the epic struggle for the holy prize. Hot Zing!

Ferocious land combat! Check this! Knights and Saracens gripped in the heat of deadly combat. Steel slashing and piercing sinew and flesh. Daggers! Arrows! Scimitars! Tooth gritting death in the push and pull of mass locked armies! King hell and Judas Priest!!! GAAAAARRR!!

Sea battles? Oh Yes, please YES!!! If only the hot air balloon had been thought up there would have been fightin' in all dimensions! Sock-dolager indeedy! Can't wait for this! Ramming speed!!!!
And I, as the Mosul Turkish player, could see that this game would require above all brains! Yes! A cunning and devious plan would be needed to thwart the might of christendom from descending for the big land grab. I felt up to the task!
My first bit if fox work? Go where the enemy is not and make tactical retreats where demanded! This will work! He who fights and runs away my live etc. but how about he who just runs and doesn't fight until he picks the right time and place, eh? That way all the strength is saved for the big battle that matters, right? Yeah! Let's see how that worked out shall we? OOH! What a sly one we have in my Turkish command! Check out part two of the Crusades and see how it all went! Too Cool, yew betchah!!!

Going Medieval

2011-03-01T11:19:00.000-06:00

Ripped from the headlines (in a way).

Recorded for posterity.

The timetable. No lollygagging.

The Game Kings undertake the venerable Strategy & Tactics "The Crusades", a graduate level seminar boiled down to Game Night dimensions by blame game. Here the Franks, Normans and other assorted gemanic warlords enter from Byzantium (now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople).

We can see the levant is totally unprepared for the onslaught of the infidel. Cover those ports!

And now the knights are afloat, meanwhile bearing down by land on Antioch.

Napolean would approve. Time to order pizza. A shout out to Pizza Luce and their delicious Ruby Rae upside down pizza, delivered to our undisclosed location during the blizzard.

First blood is drawn as Antioch tumbles like an overloaded serving tray in the first siege turn.

And just like that the Siciliani are slicing through Palestine for the Holy City.

Treachery carries the day and, as it turns out, the game. Jerusalem falls with wailing and knashing of teeth not to a prolonged and bloody siege but a fifth column. The true cross is seized. Visions are had.

In a final insult to the Caliphate a poorly defended Damascus falls by cruel attrition.

And so it ends. Insha'Allah and Deus Veult!

Crusades! part II

2011-02-28T10:46:00.000-06:00

Crusades! Second of 2 !
Here we see the Knightly duo smug in their position as takers of other's property. The Syrians and Turks will just have to see about that! Bring it on Boys! Stout walls and boilin' oil await!

Antioch is filled with Saracen soldiers and the coastal towns are ready, manned to the max with the Turkish team.

Suddenly it all seems to soon nearly over as the chain clad clunkers smash their way through the defenders walls. Wait a minute! Weren't there supposed to be land battles? What the?!? There's barely been a siege and suddenly ...BOING!

Jerusalem's taken by treachery! D'oh! Not even a rock tossed down on the Christian crumbs! Didn't anyone bother to spit?!? Evidently not! One die roll and the whole dang thing is over. The Syrian fink flees with one measly army point and Jerusalem is now in Crusader hands along with the One True Cross! Well! There goes the game! Remember that pic of flames and siege towers and epic chaos and everything up above? Nope. Not in this scenario. Just a quick exit by Iscariot with his thirty pieces of silver and it's all over but the looting. Nice. At least things can't get much worse, right?

HA! Evidently that's a double laugher 'cause guess what? Here's the cross and chalice guys sittin' in Damascus! Not even ever an historical reality! Huh wha!!?!?!?!? Another simple die roll and the big town goes down. At least here there was the semblance of a fight. Some minor defense no matter how weak! I'll say this for the Syrians, they didn't just get up and clear out like the Turks did twice. Discretion was the better part of valor for them though as they needed every man they could get for their unsuccessful siege of Antioch!

Here's the winner taking a deep breath before his glorius Deus Vult wahoo! Nice going "E". Our heads were handed to us in style!

The big loser? Li'l ol' Blame Game! Here we see his half grinned puss swallowing defeat yet again! Crown of Jughead for you buster! That'll teach ya' tah invite Europeans over for a friendly contest!

And now ...the "Sophisticate's Analyasis"!

The "Sophisticate "sez:

Truly a flawed meeting! East had slim to none chance against the West especially given the formers inability to roll bupkiss on the random events table but plague and chaos! The invaders had it nearly all their way with ships aplenty to insure mobility that the lack luster wits of the Islamic duo could not counter. If only a fifth player had been present in the form of Egypt there surely might have been more fight in the Moslems. A pity! My recommendation? Try this one again! Laffs aplenty and with seven players and a referee (as was originally intended) this game would be tip top!

Heard in the Main Tap

2011-02-25T09:32:00.001-06:00

From an article in the Star Tribune 2/22/11 – Pam Louwagie

Protests grip, divide Wisconsin

Across Wisconsin, the showdown at the Capitol is consuming normally polite conversation. Before it flared up a week ago, few had reason to question their neighbors' views on unions, government and taxes. Now, the topic is difficult to ignore. "It's such a heated subject," said 43-year-old Doug Newton, who, reflecting his politics, chose a stool in the middle of a long wooden bar at the Main Tap in Oregon, Wis., a town of about 9,000 in farm country 10 miles south of Madison. In small towns especially, taking a stand can mean lost friendships and business. "Everybody's being really careful what they say," Newton said.

Well, not everybody.

"I think it's ridiculous. I think [the protesters] should go home where they belong," said 86-year-old June Starr, who sat on one end of the bar with her husband, sipping on a glass of blush wine. "Ninety-nine percent of them are making too much damn money. All three of our children have been out of work" in the private sector, she said.

What can this wonderful text from Ms. Louwagie tell us, not just about the situation in Wisconsin, but about world and U.S. political economy? Contrary to the comic setup for the quote from the piece's heroine, June Starr, I'm inclined to accept that Mr. Newton's statement, "Everybody's being really careful what they say", applies to her as well.

There are many reasons for being careful about what you say on politics. Certainly a glass of blush wine can loosen the tongue but it seems like nothing can get the conversation flowing in contemporary America like facile agreement with reactionary commonplaces. Ms. Starr has recognized just such a situation and it has stirred her to point out the obvious absurdity. Objects and people out of place have always been a staple of comedy. At 86 our speaker has surely earned the right to voice her opinion while her husband stays silent and to patronize the Main Tap instead of tending their home. And she has the life experience to recognize just where it is that people belong in this day and age when they are being seen, in growing numbers, nearly everywhere that they have no business being.

Having set the comedy premise she now focuses on the root of the problem, people making too damn much money. Ninety-nine percent of them anyway. Because there is one percent of the country who needs to make as much money as physically possible or we are all damned. It's predestined. Of course I'm aware this is not what she meant. Likely she is just allowing for the possibility of some public worker, somewhere, who is worth her hire. In any case, there is wide agreement, both at the Main Tap and in the citadels of austerity that the ongoing economic catastrophe has nothing to do with inadequate demand. At a time when Keynesian stimuli are needed more than ever and yet less effective than ever the political alignment on display in Wisconsin is ensuring that the economy will consume itself down to the last dollar rather than take the one road out of the wilderness available to it.

June Starr and her family are aware of the gravity of the situation. My guess is that the children are approaching retirement age and that "out of work" is no laughing matter. Without more information on the family's situation and politics we can make few conclusions. Ms. Starr feels that hard times justify hard times and the squeeze on her children authorize both her position as a spokeswoman before this stranger from The Cities and the depth of her resentment of all those who have dared to venture out of doors.

Rosie's Main Tap, Oregon, WI

"This is a godsend for us," said Ken Clary, who owns a small gourmet popcorn shop near the Capitol. "We're up probably 300 to 400 percent."

The World Wide Web is Our Oyster

2011-01-14T11:00:00.000-06:00

Don't know about you, my buckaroos, but I've always kind of thought of this blog as a closely guarded secret, viewed mainly by the Game Kings themselves, past & present, if that. Well, not so fast, Wyatt Earp. Seems that the Kings are an international phenomenon:

Amazing, no? Game buffs from around the world, checking out the one-of-a-kind boardgame action here in our own major midwestern railroad hub. What do you suppose brought these eager eyes around these parts?

Oh... I see. Breasts. Well, come for the breasts, stay for the unbelievably witty gaming. Of course my Pubilius Syrus post is also a big hit. No tits there. Just sensible and fail-proof tips for getting lucky. But then this guy got a few hits too:

Easy ladies. Boy's taken.

New Agin!

2011-01-13T13:27:00.000-06:00

Game Number one: "Incan Gold"
An actual new bought game to start the young annum aright. Goodie! Dr Kirby brought this one in. Here we see Blame Games 2 card hand at the ready to explore an Incan temple and make off with the "jools" before any other Independant Jones can beat him to the goods. Cards are laid out on a "temple pyramid" format. Players then enter and see who can hang around longest and pick up the most treasure. First out picks up all the loose gems on the path. Other gems are divided equally amongst the hardy archeaologists (i.e. robbers) who hang in. If two of the same hazard cards are drawn everyone left in the temple gets bupkiss. This goes on for 5 rounds and then whoever has amassed the biggest pile of loot in his tent wins.

Here we see the happy king o' thieves hisself, Blame Game. Walked away lucky with a hillock of precious stealin's. A good romp although low on the scale of factual historical tutelage. (Like the crew cares about that!)

Game two: "Trade Winds"
Avast me hearty's! Here be yet another entry in a long list of piratical testings! An oldie moldy to boot. This dates from 1960 practically a time when the Spanish Main was still beset by buccaneers!

Each player gets their own ship and home port to which they try and ship loads of gold, rum, pearls and jewels. Port raids! Broadsides! Foul weather, Plague! DAAARGH! This be the stuff of sailin'!

Here we see Cap'n Red Frog lootin' the central Isle of it's booty! Smart as paint he was and showed the whole crew how a game of freebootery should be played!

Yes, he brought back to home port all the gold dubloons his galleon could carry and scuppered the bilge rats around him! Good fer ye,Cap'n Red Frog! And may home port always be a cove of rest and comfort for yer salty bones! Arrgh!

Late Date Can't Wait!

2011-01-13T12:44:00.000-06:00

Game First: "Carcassone"
Did I spell it right? No time to meditate! Let's get to the review! This one is a popular and expandable table top game. Squares are added to squares to build a medieval world of wonder. Tokens are place to claim real estate in various formats (thieves, monks, royalty[?], etc.) This charmer came recommended by one of our dear gamer's daughter. Here we can see fate's fickle fingers placing a "carcass" (hence the name, I guess) on the field of play. Take that, mi'lord!

All around this was an easy and fun player inspite of the lack of ye olde pillage, rapine, plunder and plague. Having won the game makes it easier to recommend too. See me smile!

Game Twice: uh ..."Baloonacy"?, "Inflato-race"?, "Up, Up and Aiee"?

OK. So I can't recall what this one was called. Sue me. It was fun. Players each take their balloon and try to be first to fly to the moon the whole while foiling foes rise. Gas! Grappling hooks! Bad weather! All this and card play too. Yours truly couldn't float to the top on this one and I think our winner was that great gas bag we see checking the back side of his marker for excess sandbags in bafflement below.

A clean victory, but please don't let it inflate your ego. Try and rise above such things, hmmm?

Game Three-o: "The Partridge Family"

Thank Chet pics are worth a thousand words so I won't have to waste verbage deriding this sad waste of corrugated board. Ken Kesey can be held accountable for inspiring the insipid to drive around in busses and act like they're having fun sans illicit substances. Would that we were able to alter our conciousness to avoid facing the reality of this ...THING!

(Too ashamed to show his full face. He brought this in!)

The character line up. Ma Partrige and her brood, notably including David Cassidy and Danny Bonaduce. BRRR!

The WINNAH! Yep, brought it home in a basket with the help of MA herse'f. Great work Mrs. P. I never want to see this thing again!

And that's a wrap for '10! Let's try and be more consistent in our postage next year, alright Blame Game?

Lay Up Your Treasures

2011-01-13T11:13:00.000-06:00

Treasure is value removed from circulation. When it circulated it was just money which, of course, engenders a lust of its own. Money may grow over time due to its ability to be employed as productive capital and so lay claim to the surplus value extracted from labor.

Buried treasure, as the bible tells us, has no such power and so is condemned everywhere but in the heart of the miser where it is seen as power without risk. It lies always ready to do his bidding but never consumed or exposed to a hostile market.

Time plays a double game on buried treasure. Its circulating sibling draws interest and grows. Of course it may also fall prey to piracy and panic but on average, over time, it increases. And so, relatively, the buried value diminishes.

As the hoarder grows old and forgetful and, finally, dies, perhaps taking the location of his hoard to the grave, treasure disappears.

But, if we speed up our capitalist time machine, we might see a general thinning out of value. Production grows exponentially but the metallic base grows more slowly. While a dormant bank account withers (and, in the modern financial world, will almost certainly disappear) the classic forms of treasure may often become more valuable. If they are marked in time, if, that is, we can distinguish them as survivors while their contemporaries are known to be destroyed or lost they may also gain value by their rarity.

None of which makes for an enjoyable Game Night, just a dull essay. What is it that really gets our peckers up about treasure?

The key to the "charm" of treasure is the break in the chain of title. Classical economics teaches us that value is exchanged for equal value in the system as a whole. What's the fun in that? Might as well play Monopoly. Treasure represents something for nothing, an instance of a pre-market, mythical transaction. Before the child understands trade she understands finding and taking. Finding the lost and abandoned and taking without payment, the principles of archeology and piracy.

Windbags Over the Midwest...

2011-01-01T11:01:00.000-06:00

I Digress...

A minor digression
In pursuit of the Black Baron

Mannequins in iron lungs
Skateboards in amber
Scent of dirty fingernails on a greased blackboard
Exploding tarantula cactus.
Ruben Kincaid!
Ruben Kincaid!
Why must Danny always pay for his machinations?
Little men of painted wood
How you toil in the fields
And on roads, infested with thieves
In cities do you take up cloister
And practice your arcane rites
It is land you seek
And land you shall have
Except for the Man in Red
Momma's boy
Boy's momma
Humanoids from the West
Prefabricated culture
Icons
Youcons
Themcons
There's no Icon in Teamcon
Oedipal complexions
In a painted bus
Ruben Kincaid!
Ruben Kincaid!
Where is Ruben Kincaid?
Mom wins again
My eyes are up here, Keith...

The Colonel Swears Off Swearing

2010-12-29T16:23:00.001-06:00

Another Christmas Bites the Dust

2010-12-29T16:13:00.000-06:00

Just a quick photo recap of the winter's gaming so far

Bless us O Mummy!

Ships of the Desert

Sceptre Bearer

Double Agent?

Espionage or Pointless Traipsing About?

Like the Fedoras

Reminds Me a bit of the Mummy Above

Carcassonne

Don't Play This

Mom Always Wins

Never Watched It

Can You Fly a Hot Air Balloon to the Moon?

I Don't Think So

The Colonel Meditates

Guh!

2010-12-13T12:34:00.000-06:00

No game night tonight.
Snow. Too much snow.
Ridiculous amounts of snow.
Blast those Archons and their damnable weather machines!
All I ask is a tiny plastic ship and a pair of dice to steer her by.

Bad poetry always ends in a preposition.

See, I have this landlord who's obsessed with french decadence

2010-10-13T11:03:00.000-05:00

Opening with the divine Carolyn Jones as "The Existentialist" (1957, same year that saw Audrey Hepburn pursue Epathicalism in Funny Face). Yes, I'd nominate that. Followed by the truly baffling Italian silent L'uomo meccanico.

A sinister robot with a roman nose under the control of the mad Mado.

And what's better than a murderous, lecherous mechanical man? Two mechanical men.

And better than that? A mechanical man with next to nude women.

And so on to the really painful part of the evening, The Cry of the Banshee. Ok, there were witches tit but they cheesed on the banshee, or whatever and what does it mean that they can "make you die a minute every day for a year"? Wouldn't you live longer that way? It did have Hugh Griffith. Say, anybody seen Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feelin' So Sad? He was in that too.

Hang on, almost forgot Bill Shatner.

How is that even possible? How desperate (or doped) was he to get involved in the Esperanto epic The Incubus? Apparently only a french subtitled copy of this cursed opus has survived to foist itself on the innocent. Damn French.

Bad Movie Opener, not so bad

2010-10-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

The Wayds - be sure to stay for the dancing Castro

2010-10-07T12:08:00.000-05:00

My Memory Isn't What It Used to Be

2010-09-14T11:10:00.000-05:00

What can exceed the thrill of world travel? Climbing the ladder of sucess? Digging for lexigraphical treasure? A swell game night. Always go for the world map thing. Was a bit becalmed in the Bay of Bengal but still managed to collect enough "tea" and rubies of inestimable value to win this one despite not making it back to home port in Shanghai. Long live the People's Merchant Marine!

North Atlantic

Cargoes

"Endless interest" indeed. "Know Your Merchandise"

To the Sales Clerk

I remember playing this in the distant past.

Careers

But even being "first man in the moon" wasn't enough to take this one. Lost all me money on a second trip to space. How does that happen? Did I leave it on the landing module? And who takes cash to the moon anyway? Game went, as might be expected, to the lawyer.

Experience Necessary

Two quick rounds of lexical dexterity to conclude the evening. The pirate theme was a bit of a stretch. Evil One took this as Lady Luck made up for his narrow loss in a tie breaker with Cargoes but my camera ran out of memory before I could record his victory grin. Next time EE!

Buried Words

Aug-oog-gah!

2010-09-13T16:24:00.000-05:00

Game One: "Go For Broke"
The point of this masterpiece was to lose all your money. Actually a difficult feat with the torpid rate of spend. There's gambling and investment even some property to "buy" as can be seen from the pointy tower below. Dr. Kirby was fortunate enough to be forced into purchasing this fine bit of steel construct. It didn't pan out for him though and others came up blessedly empty pocketed. Congrats to comrade "L" for ending this with a laurel wreath on his nog. Who says it can't be fun to try and be a Commie? I can think of several ways to improve the pace of this game. For one ...what about massive lawsuits? Or even more speculative gamboling of an illegal nature? Potential with this one but the rules need a positive overhaul. Let's call it a "C".

Game Two: "Razzle"

Letter cubes are rolled back and forth in a push to get to the opponents goal by finding random words spelled out by the tumblin' dice. A good enough time and a positive recommend as this game had very few rules. No one wants to think TOO hard on game night. The team of "Evil" and that Commie rat from above were the prize takers here. Evidently thee just weren't enough possibility for swears to make Dr. Kirby and Blame Game pay enough attention to win. Grade? C+. Don't look for this here agian very soon. See you next month!

Why wasn't I told about Hawaiian Shirt Night?

2010-09-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

EKUCRF

Razzle hands

Go for Broke

Murdered in the market

Biggest crowd ever

Concentrated

Concentrating

Prom Royalty

Sweet Valley High

Made out like bandits

First killed

The heirs

1313 Dead End Drive

Hawaiian Shirt Day at Game Night

July try

2010-07-29T13:14:00.001-05:00

Game one: "1313 Dead End Drive"

Nuthin' like "moider" to kick off a game night in high style and fashion. Players draw cards and move any and all pieces around a mansion loaded with death traps. By moving the pawns they own (as cards) and bumping off the remaining pawns, players try to max the cash they carry away. Due to the record massive turn out (7 players!) we played in 4 team sets. At right we see a set of the losing number. Ha! Not enough mayhem in their hearts. The winners were red Frog and his lady guest East Coaster! (at lower right) Kudos to their ruthless elimination of the lesser!

Game Two: "Sweet Valley High"
No sugar in this giant cat fight. 4 teams again vied to see would emerge victorious in the throat slash world of Hi-Skool dating! Claws, fists and feet were the order of the hour as the donnybrook rolled through the halls! Reputations were ruined and hair ripped from roots!In the end the Mistress of Malfeasance was none other than the proud beauty ENID! (below) Bow to her sly sidelong glance you fems of lower demesne! Grovel and lick earth at her haughty feet! Pay obeisance on your faces in the dust and mayhaps she'll allow you to worship from the parking lot at her gala beach party! HA! Oh ...East Coaster and Blame Game were the controlling genius behind this big win.

Game Three: "Concentration"
Yep! Based on the long running TV fave game show this reebus driven puzzler was just about as much fun as it looks. Players try and memory match pairs of items from the board and take home fabulous prizes like an old shoe?!? Well ...there was theoretically big cash for the team with the correct answer. Big "fake" cash! Below we see the winnin' 3! Evil E, Bad man B and corrupt ol' Dr. Kirby! Good work guys but the real winner in all of these proceedings is The KING...Elvis!!! (at bottom) Thank yew ...thank yew vahr much!!!

Wow!

2010-07-29T13:14:00.000-05:00

June ...
Yeah. Played ...some games ...can't recall ...see April and May.

When?

2010-07-29T13:12:00.000-05:00

May ...
Drugged! Max the hole damn sink! Blah!

Whu

2010-07-29T13:10:00.000-05:00

April .....
Drunk! Missed the whole dang thing! Bah!

Tell Me More about Keynsham

2010-06-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

Seems like ages since we've convened in the Fortress of Gamenitude for some rolling of die. So what happened to the grilled cheese sandwich at Ye Olde Game Night Tavern in the interim? Only the 2 for 1 on the pale ale saved this pilgrim's digestive system. Bad chef! No stars for you!

Let's Make a Deal

Everybody gets to be Monty in turn. Who gets to be Carol Merrill? Want to ponder the curtain logic in depth? Try this: The Monty Hall Problem

Sheesh. I knew that. That's why only the blindest of fortune enabled the hapless Dr. Kirby to best me at the end (see video below). Not bad for a Game Show game, all in all.

What's behind the curtain?

From probablity mathematics to labyrinthine topology in a single Game Night. Damn this is an impressive cabal.
In the soft grey squeeze as they "Mind The Doors"
Like a sacrifice for the minotaur.

Sacrifice to the Minotaur

The beast in all his lego glory.

Labyrinth

Played well. Moved quickly but with plenty of up tripping. Finally went to Dennis.

Minotaurus

On a related Bonzonian note, you simply must click over for High Vivian's "11 Mustachioed Daughters" video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9ro2C_tUSc
This is the kind of crap that twisted me permanently in high school.

Worst-Case Scenario

Get out the scout manual. Blow on the spider.
And here's one we didn't play cause it was just too complicated. Hey, that grilled cheese was deadly.

Hip deep in Evil

Drama Flakes

I Win Everything!

2010-06-20T11:39:00.000-05:00

Darryl’s Adventure

2010-03-31T10:59:00.001-05:00

Darryl opened the door of the tar paper shack that was precariously standing in the solitude of a country lane which his stepfather's kin had long ago forgotten belonged to the family and so was available to his stepfather when no other place would have his redneck hide. The shack was his home now along with his stepbrother Jimmy Lee and stepsister Wanda Sue ever since his mother had divorced his father after the ruination of their family trip to Dollywood which had taken every last nickel of the family's savings and plunged them into irretrievable debt. Sleeping with the divorce lawyer had been the only way his mother had been able to save enough from the process to finance the removal of one deadbeat's tattooed name to make way for its replacement by her current deadbeat spouse. Not that he was supposed to know about that.

"Don't you go messing around with them Faye girls, Darryl!" his mother shouted after him as the screen door attempted to slam behind him. "They's trash jus like they ma and no fit company for my boy."

Darryl knew they were trash, of course. But they had a stash of their pa's corn liquor stolen off him when he got so drunk on Saturday night that he couldn't feel them slipping the key to his shed out of his pocket. That after he'd beat them for prying two boards off the back and making off with the jug which they had all enjoyed back in January when they had first invited him out to the woods. Bertha Faye had showed him her titties just before she got sick on her sister's bare feet. A boy would have to be crazy to pay attention to his ma with such enticements. Besides, he was pretty sure he was trash too, so what was the harm?

Ma had turned into such a pain lately. Apron strings just wasn't the word for it. Maybe she felt guilty seeing how he had become a redheaded stepchild way more than in literal fact. His stepfather was a jerk who had blown up his old house and marriage real good. The house was a hole on its old lot and his ex couldn't make up her mind whether to disappear entirely or hang around and make herself as unpleasant as possible. And Jimmy and Wanda missed no opportunity to add to the misery of his existence. He felt bad leaving Ma alone in such a pile of hillbilly purgatory but there was no way he was sticking around any more than the necessities of life absolutely required. Not when there was female breasts and godawful moonshine to be had.

Darryl grabbed the biggest piece of wood he could find before he reached the road and, using it sometimes as a walking stick and sometimes as a cudgel to knock off rotted limbs from any tree within reach, he headed off, more westerly than not. He could hardly see for squinting into the late day sun but, luckily, the familiar backfire of his stepdad's jalopy alerted him in time to duck for cover that the old man was on his way home from his day job of stuffing animal hides. On weekends he announced monster truck rallies. Either way, Darryl was more than relieved to have escaped detection and be able to continue his excursion. That weasel Bubba Bob something or other had taken Ma bad sometime around her divorce and made off with her sweet Chevy Impala with the bucket seats through some shenanigans of fate that Darryl didn't get at all and now they had nothing to get around in but some cobbed together crate that stank of taxidermist potions. "Darryl", Ma had told him, "don't you judge me! Ain't no way that rednecks like us can hang onto anything but debt. Best you learn that young, boy."

Didn't matter. He could hear the voices of Bertha and her sister, Wanda, from down in the hollow now. He picked his way carefully down the slope where the shadow of sunset had already taken hold. The girls must have already been taking their turns at the jug because all he could hear was loud giggling and snorts without anything being said that could be seen as causing that much laughter. "What's do damn funny?" he barked, taking both by surprise. They covered their mouths but could in no way control their amusement. "Never you mind, Darryl Carrottop", sputtered Wanda after a long struggle which led to her sister doubling over and the both of them, finally, tipping over in paroxysms which were out of their control and play acting at the same time.

He was offended at the name but was old enough now for something within him to see that the situation had, nevertheless, a promising smell and to let it pass. He squatted next to the still convulsive Bertha and waited out the fit. "You girls are already skunk faced" he offered when the giggling subsided at last. "Not!" they both said together, which set off another round of uncontrollable laughter. "Are so!" Even in the lantern light he could see they were flush and the play of the shadows across their blouses was starting something in his groin. "Gonna give me a swig or not?" His voice cracked. Wanda, who had still not regained her composure or her balance, waved the jug out towards him and caught him on the mouth with the edge of the heavy piece of crockery. "Oops", she squealed. He reached into his mouth. "Shit", he thought, "lost another damn tooth".

---

Much later, the jug emptied and the moon well up, Bertha Faye demanded, "where's them pictures anyway?" Darryl, his mouth still aching but unable to suppress a broad grin, looked at her and said softly, "same place as always". http://www.flickr.com/photos/23129636@N02/sets/72157603820898882/

Just A Little Fresh Cheese

2010-03-29T15:13:00.000-05:00

Still working on this month's post. Meantime, for our legion of GK fans, something to distract.

March Morons

2010-03-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

Game One (and only!): "Redneck Life"

Once again we find our intrepid (insipid?) game crew visiting a nightmare of the long gone."Redneck Life" resurfaced this week at the request of Dr. Kirby who claimed (rightly) that the Red Frog had never partaken in this peculiar contest. Fine. The "funnest game we ever played" was hauled from the attic, dusted off and splayed forth on the field of combat. How was the rematch? Well ...we'll get to that but first a strange note of digressive explanation ... Above we see an elder example of a Chevrolet Impala. This 1960's model reminded me of one an acquaintence from 30 years ago owned. His was an automobile of nearly identical make and style. We'll just call it the Pflip-mobile. Many and crazed were the adventures the gang had in his model. We'll pass on those tales for now. Suffice it to say that when I saw this antique earlier in the day I had to have a picture. Little did I realize that it was a synchronous and almost syzygistic sign from the laughing unknown!
That evening when the time came to play "Rednck Life" I had the opportunity to buy a car and ...what to my blundering mind should appear but a somewhat like Chevy to the one I'd snapped earlier in the day! Astounding! Surreal! Yet all too, too true! During the game this car changed hands no less than 4 times and gave me nearly all the luck I needed to win. Alas it wasn't destined to be!

Fun was had by all none the less. Just peek at the Doc's happy face as he holds his first auto (below). In the background we see Mr D the man who came last. The object of the game, for those unfamiliar, is to have the most teeth remaining at the end. Poor D had zero. Dr Kirby had a few, Room N Board a few more and I? I had one less than the winner, making me a loser too!

Below we see red Frog showing off his grill for the waiting world at large. Twenty two ivories in a row brought home the trophy! Not quite the full tomb stone cemetary that we all started with but good enough for the win! Congrats, Red and ...is it just me or do I see a marked similarity to this shot and the one underneath? Yet another eerie coincidence or the hand of fate doing it's own little ha-ha! Who knows!

(Grills of my dreams!)

Game Night of the Absurd

2010-03-05T11:36:00.001-06:00

You know, sometimes Game Night just don't make no sense. Like, what happened to January? Which is a good question. What did happen to January? First week of March now. Vague recollection of February which did have an auspicious Groundhog Day as we are attesting now and, of course, Valentine's Day. Not getting into that here but I think you know what I'm talking about. And there was a Game Night (on 2/22 as you may verify on the left). But January? Now if you are going to misplace a month up here in the undisclosed but, believe me, frigid, location you may want to consider misplacing January. But it's still weird. Anyway, case in point

Do you get what's going on here? Can't say I do. Looks like something is going to fall on the Frog's head and Zeus wants no part of it but what exactly is Dr. Kirby on about? Maybe some Wheat Thins will clarify the situation

Guess not. Frog looks to be as befuddled as ever. Let's check in with blame game

Clearly there's movement here but to what end? As the Romans would say, cui bono? Dennis?

Nope. Seems happy enough but, accused bank robber? That's a winning hand? Or hands? Let's examine the evidence

You can take dat to the bank. Ain't dat so, Rooster?

Wait, something's afoot and it does look sinister

Maybe not. I suppose we could use some levity in the face of a grim economic situation and a Game Night that appears to be spiraling towards the abyss

No, Dr, violence is no solution. Can't we all just take a picture?

There, is it starting to make sense now?

You know, let's take our cue from Zeus. Sometimes walkies is the only sensible option.

February facts

2010-02-25T09:50:00.000-06:00

Game one: "Baretta"
Baretta! 1970's era street savvy nemesis of the criminal underworld! Baretta! Hip moxied law enforcer so stylin' he can wear bird crap on his shoulder and none dare say P-U! Baretta! The Game! Each player takes his turn as Baretta hunting down a potential murderer, a maybe safecracker, a possible ...uh ...forger? And a could be ...eh ...er ...fibber? Pickpocket? Jewel thief? Who can recall these details when the action is so intense! Baretta runs his tiny legs ragged across the board searching for clues, getting beaten up, being lied to, cheated on, urped over, trod underfoot, misled, traipsed back and forth until at weary last a crook is cornered, caught and cuffed! Victory!

Here we see Mr D in his winning flush after having finally putting this case to bed. But wait! What's this? Controversy? Say it ain't so! Our own G-Man has pointed out that he closed in for the kill on his own turn seconds before! He should be the rightful winner! Uh ...shall we re-read the rules? Nope! Not happenin' on this nights watch. We got other games to go over and this turgid time waste won't be on the list again for quite awhile

DrKirby (at top) was the only player who paid attention to the rules as they were read and did not care to hear them again either so tough luck for BARETTA! Bye!!!!!

Game Two: "Russian Roulette"

I can just imagine the "sell spiel" when someone came up with this idea for a kids board game. "It'll be great, chief! All the children and adults too will love playing Russian Roulette!" Hmm. Don't think this was a big seller. Players take turns betting on which cards from a 24 card deck will come up as they are turned over one by one. New shuffle after every ace is turned.

At left we see the field of play. Three levels of gamblin' fever are set. You can go for 3, 5 or 24 times your money. If you run out of dough you get a "gun chip" and allowed to bet once more on one card. Lose? Then you win by staying alive and getting more money. Win? Then you lose and are ...out of the game so to speak.

After a frenzied bet-a-thon yours truly brought home the win in a single card vs card draw playoff taking out Dr Kirby with a 10 of Spades over his 9 of Clubs! Several fortunes were won and lost in the process so thank goodness it was all only "play"!

Poor Mr D actually got taken out by the "gun chip" and was ignominiously dumped from the game. Finally we see an enraged Dr K taking out his grievance with the board in an altogether appropriate manner. This one was actually fun but recommend it? Well ...I think this is for "mature" players only. Let's leave it at that!

Game Three: " The $1,000,000 Pyramid"

Fondly remembered from it's years on the small screen we see it below microscopically shrunk into it's travel format, a pathetic semblance of the titan it once was. I mean, really! A half a dozen non-descript pieces of cardboard, a plastic 30 second egg timer and a chunk of red cellophane? Still the action was thrill packed and intense. I bowed out of the contest for this round, my own abilities at quick peripheral descriptive summation being nil.

Below we see the triumphant wieners ...that is ...WINNERS ...gloating over their victory. The other team came close but we weren't, as they say, playing horse shoes. See you next month!

January Solitary

2010-01-28T13:15:00.000-06:00

Game One: "Solitaire"
Well ...let's see ...yep! Just li'l ol' Blame Game drainin' through the pasteboards all by his lonesome. Kind of self explanatory. Only game played. I think I won once. Didn't have to cheat. That wouldn't have been fair.

Later I dozed a bit (see below). Slow night! See ya in Feb.!

Another Xmas Bites the Dust

2009-12-28T14:22:00.000-06:00

Up Periscope (a photo essay in which more ambitious readers are invited to supply their own text)

2009-12-21T16:34:00.000-06:00

Beltsville

Sub Search Game

Wrong Deployment

Admiralty

Torpedoes Away!

Victory at Sea

Brownies

What the Sam Hell?

Push the Button

December Depth Charge!

2009-12-10T13:57:00.000-06:00

First of all Red and Blame showed up and sat around waiting for the remaining players. Then the Doc showed and more waiting took place. Then 2 calls. One other player would be late and another was sick. More waiting. And in the bored interval an idle conversation began to fill the weary delay. That's when the dander began to rise and flush rose to cheek! Thank Chet Dennis showed when he did or surely things would have come to an ugly, scarring pass! And now on to the evenings entertainment!

Game One: "Sub Search"

Brrr ...Ping! Brrr ...Ping! Sub Search! A 1960's vintage game of two teams blindly groping a 3 level grid in search of enemy submersibles! Brrr ...Ping! Depth charge! Ker-whumpf! Torpedoes! Fire vun! Whoosh! Ka-Blooey!
Glub! At right we see the excited owner of this gem. Below Dr. K watches his team mate do a search and destroy on hapless enemy mariners.

At right (below) we see the results! Grim faced and weary with the fight the victors display the blank face of hollow victory.

Many brave souls are asleep in the deep! So beware!

Game Two: "Reflex"
This one was one of myriad early '80's electronic push button annoyances! Gleep! Urp! Zeep! BLAAAAAH! Dennis and the Doc nodded over a game or two of chase the blinking light before finally surrendering. Who won? No one cared. Dr Kirby was intrigued enough to try a solo outing. (see below left)

And did he win? Of course! In the end he turned the dang thing off and got back to what the game crew does best ...eat, drink and smart mouth merilly on topics they know little or nothing about! Happy Holidays to all and to all GOOD NIGHT!!! See ya' next year!

November Nonsense

2009-12-10T11:59:00.000-06:00

Game One: "Outwit"

A game of deceptive simplicity. Checker like pieces are moved into opposite corners of the board. Hmm ..Doesn't seem like this sort of challenge offers much in the way of thrill a minute fun. The guys played as two teams and while the rules weren't too involved they may seem cryptic to any but the most hardened of gamers such as we. (see picture of box interior at lower left)

The game ended in a draw. Huh. Go figure!

Game Two: "Holly Hobby"

Grown women across the land may recall the "Hobby" craze of the 1980's but only half of the game crew did. Steady nerves were needed for this event and as we can see from the pic below a bolstering distillation wasn't out of order.

At lower right we see the winner. I can honestly say I'm glad I lost this one! And now without further embarrassment let us move on.

Game Three: "Survive!"

At last! A man's game! Vicious sharks, whales, sea serpents, a sinking island and life boats! Struggling swimmers adrift in the roiling sea! Back stabbing! Survival of the fittest! And best of all? The game ending in a titanic volcanic explosion of the island!!! Wow! What more can a MAN ask for in a game?

On the left we see Dr. Kirby gripped with the thrill of the contest! Below is our winner. This almost makes up for the game before this one (which I cannot bring myself to name again). Congrats!

Game Four: "Green Ghost"

At lower right is a disappointed Doc K, clutching his beloved and unplayed game. Time and interest ran out on this one. Thank goodness too! I've owned this game before and let's just say I think I'd rather play the "no longer mentioned" game above over again rather than be subjected to this pitiful pea colored poltergeist! Boo who?

Out Twit, Out Gay, Out Survive!

2009-12-04T09:56:00.000-06:00

Behold the sterling selection of dark November’s diversions:

First up a sort of checkers, Outwit.

Not bad. Team West was able to force a stalemate where they were unable to win against Team East. Cheer up Colonel, stalemate is honorable.

Oh, oh, Team East is falling asleep.

Damn, it’s catching.
Time to move on to the Hollie Hobby Wishing Well. The girliest game ever to breach the Undisclosed Location.

“Do you have a Good Friend?” Say it as swishy as you can, Brother. No problem with that though as it broke my Game Night victory drought.
On to the Island of Dr. Moreau.

It is for such adventure that I brave the chill northern evenings. That and the grilled cheese sandwiches at Ye Olde Game Night Tavern.

A whale of a tale of shark infested waters and mythical sea critters. And guess what, matey?

Won that one too. My testosterone restored.
Finally, a peek at Game Nights yet to come:

Hold that pose Doc. See you in December.

The Lurch

2009-11-02T14:02:00.000-06:00

Movie Night SUCKOLA!

2009-10-29T11:35:00.000-05:00

Bad Movie Night! First Item: Frank Zappa on Saturday Night Live circa 1978:
Well ...the evening started out fine with Zappa and crew doing some lovely tune and a rather weak sketch. Unfortunately the weak sketch was the portent of things to come. From here we went into our first feature...

"Call of Cthulluh"
When the credits first ran I thought "Wow! This is going to be ultra-horrorshow!" HA! Dr Kirby kept apologizing (or maybe better, explaining) that this is what H.P.Lovecraft is like. A ton of build up and not a lot of delivery. Still, I figured it was OK. After all, I'd bought and brought the darn thing, kept it stored minty fresh sealed for nearly a year just waiting for the spooky month of October to haul it out for a view. And flop? Kinda but who cares when the next feature stars ***JULIE STRAIN*** pant-pant!

Feature Three: "Morgana - Seduce! Conquer! Destroy!"
STARRING JULIE STRAIN!!!!! (see pic below)
Now ...an all American red blooded male such as myself would have to ask in all honesty how it would be possible to make an unwatchable film with the lady on the magazine cover below? Especially if she had even less clothes on in the movie!??? So awful we stopped watching after 20 minutes and went back to.....

Final Feature: "Devo and Frank on Saturday night Live circa 1978"
Yep! Had to back down and sit through some pretty retarded comedy sketches from days of yore trying to salvage the evening.
The Apology:
I would like to take this space to apologize to the Dyced Crew for putting them through such a wretched eye dry misery crawl. The moral of the story for me is: "ALWAYS VIEW WHAT YOU'RE BRINGING BEFORE YOU EXPOSE OTHERS TO IT! TWIT!....ALWAYS!!!" Trying to come in with minty fresh sealed trash can just leave the entire place smelling like an outhouse. P-U!!!!!And now in my defense I'd like once more to show the pic of JULIE STRAIN!!!! For the love of structural female pulchritude! Can someone explain to me how anybody could make such a dog barkin' awful bore with a gal of these dimensions at their disposal?!?!?! Can anyone?!?!?! PLEASE?!?!?! Huh?!?!

Cthulhu fhtagn

2009-10-22T15:56:00.001-05:00

They were not composed altogether of flesh and blood. They had shape...but that shape was not made of matter. When the stars were right, They could plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars were wrong, They could not live. But although They no longer lived, They would never really die. They all lay in stone houses in Their great city of R'lyeh, preserved by the spells of mighty Cthulhu for a glorious resurrection when the stars and the earth might once more be ready for Them. Lovecraft, Howard P. "The Call of Cthulhu"

Well, Howard, what are we to make of this? Bad dreams? A harrowing ride on the subway crammed in with the savage hoards? Madness?

This is not someone who is overcome by fear. He would not dwell on such bad dreams if he could not face them. The alien terror that he is, after all, attempting to unleash on us, his readers, is rather a weapon which is his revenge for what has really overcome him, humiliation. Humiliation has been his lot whenever he has ventured outside of the family sanctuary. A sanctuary which has inevitably lost its guardian spirits: first his father, then mother, then grandfather, then aunts. It is incomprehensible to the boy how the Old Ones came to be stripped of their power and it is unknown to him what will summon their return. But it must be so that they will return for otherwise there will be no vindication for him against the inevitably hostile world outside.

Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.

And, at last, little Howie Lovecraft will get off.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about this Bad Movie Night. Duty Now for the Future!

Bobby Rydell "Bellezza" scopitone

2009-09-25T15:30:00.001-05:00

Sacajawacky September

2009-09-17T10:54:00.000-05:00

Game One: "Lionel's Double Crossing"
A fine example of where the term "Railroaded" came from. As the only member of the fearsome fivesome to have actually toiled on the steel snake it was fitting that I take home the win on this contest. See me gloat below! Players choose their choo-choo, pick up rolling stock and then try and drop it off for contracts. Six contracts delivered wins the game. A question arose as to how players were to get more money once theirs was expended. Hmm ... Didn't see that in the rules ...ah ... maybe next time. Poor Doc K didn't get a single delivery done. I guess he needs more "training"! Ha! Game Two: "Adlibs"
This game was a great grandaddy of the now infamous "Apples to Apples" game series (see earlier posts). Photos of odd people in strange situations are displayed and players match actual ad copy from cards they hold in their hands. Everyone votes for their favorite and points are awarded based on vote spread and ownership of the saying. Make sense? Yeah ...sort of. Fun enough that we played two rounds. I believe I won one and the other was ...uh one of the other guys! (This is a clear indication that Mr. Beam was a visitor) Another excuse for amnesiatic stupification may be the final offering of the evening..............

Game Three: "Hunch"
Below is the sad owner of this Chinese Checker variant, the sorrowful Dr. Kirby, hiding his embarrassment behind the pathetic container of this bad baby. He warned us even before we started that the stink potential of this one was extremely high. Would that the crew could have smelled it coming. It didn't totally peg the pong-o-meter but came close. Players struggle to move their marbles across the board at the whim of a color coded wheel, spun each turn and dictating whether a move forward, backward or movement at all will be allowed depending on a number from 1 to 10 picked at the outset. After being foiled of movement for several turns in a row one player began wheeling the spinner round and round in a desperate attempt to see if there was any possibilty of a certain marble moving at all. No! NO? Wha!? Huh? So ... you could play and play and play and never be allowed to move? Seems a bit fishy. But wait! The light shone forth!

Blame Game came to the mystic realization (see below) that there was nothing in the rules that said one player could not aid another player in their quest to win and thereby end this mad marbled marathon! YOU-REEK-AH!
And so it came to pass that everyone co-operated ala that other marble wonder "Yin-Yang" (see older posts) and an end came at long last. Mercifully! Below we see the relieved champion, his Michigan gold mini orbs rowed opposite him in the position of win. Congrats and may all his marbles be won and never lost!

Three on a Match

2009-09-16T16:13:00.000-05:00

On a railroad train you should be careful not to assail the nostrils of fellow passengers with strong odors of any kind. An odor that may seem to you refreshing, may cause others who dislike it and are “poor travelers” to suffer really great distress. There is a combination of banana and the leather smell of a valise containing food, that is to many people an immediate emetic. The smell of a banana or an orange, is in fact to nearly all bad travelers the last straw. In America where there are “diners” on every Pullman train, the food odors are seldom encountered in parlor cars, but in Europe where railroad carriages are small, one fruit enthusiast can make his traveling companions more utterly wretched than perhaps he can imagine. The cigar which is smoldering has, on most women, the same effect. Certain perfumes that are particularly heavy, make others ill. To at least half of an average trainful of people, strong odors of one kind or another are disagreeable if not actually nauseating.

Sage advice from Emily Post

Another tip: While "Double Crossing" stick to the inside track until you've added a few cars. But, getting back to the issue of food on the train, what about cherry tomatoes? Mmmmm. And cocoa almonds? Passenger trains are a waste of money anyway. Boxcar me, baby! And pass the Beam, it's going to be a long night.

On the subject of long nights, let me just interject that the "September Trilogy" post below is evidence that the only way I can embed Game Night video from flickr herein is all by itself. And so it shall be. The unsuspecting should be made aware that the most truly pointless videos from this month as well as all videos from August (which were, every one, worth not a paper farthing) can and should be found on the World Renowned Game Night Flickr Set as follows: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23129636@N02/sets/72157603820898882/detail/?page=9

along with, as usual, the excruciatingly detailed versions of these pics. Readers who, for whatever reason, may wish to peruse the historic AHC Landlocked Film Festival Trek as well could do worse than to look here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23129636@N02/sets/72157622210293160/detail/

Come all you rounders that want to hear

The story of a brave engineer.

Casey Jones was the rounder's name,

On a six eight wheeler, boys, he won his fame.

Snazzy hat, Colonel!

Advertising, as Don Draper points out, is all about suggestive text and salacious visuals. Naturally there was no stopping me on this one, my first Game Night win since Groundhog Day. So nice we had to play it twice and the Col. tops out with the fruit. Don't be bringing that stuff on the train now!

Twice, I said. Now what else comes in pairs? Melons, it seems, come threes.

And two it should have stayed because three was certainly a crowd this night. A crowd of stupid extensions of Chinese Checkers. The normally disciplined game kings dissolve into cursing and, yes, covert and blatant cheating. Never seen the like. After more than any of us could endure without recourse to weapons or smelly fruit the match was awarded to Dennis on account of his being more out of focus by that point than anyone else.

You know what they say about three on a match!

September Trilogy

2009-09-15T19:06:00.000-05:00

Ooops!

2009-08-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Old Time August

2009-08-20T11:33:00.000-05:00

Game One: "Aunt Millies Millions"
A card game of grabbin' greed kicks off the evenin's proceedin's. Players are dealt a hand of cards and on the count of three all turn one face up and then race to plant their marker on the card they need/want/ or just plain end up with. If 2 end on the same card a judge is chosen and the players must give their rationalization for why they deserve the card. This is done in character. Dr Kirby pulled out all the stops and gave Brando-esque oratory but all to no avail. At right we see the winner lavishing affection on his piece of ...play! A tepid reception for this offering. Given a wider range of character choices and a couple more practice rounds I think this could have been a chuckler worth choosing.
Game Two: "Siege"
In honor of it being Davy Crockett's birthday the crew thought it only just to have this game played (lacking an actual copy of the "Alamo"). Basically a two player scaled back chess game consisting of knights vs pawns with a king. Hmmm ...Seems hardly fairish but at right we can see the defending pawn-meister burnin' the field of play with a concentration so intense some of the game board squares are actually melting! The chief feature of this contest was a deep and awe inspiring silence as the two opponents tore at each others throats!

After a fearsome and semi-lengthy joust the victor emerged from the smoke of combat. And it was none other than Dr. "King" Kirby. At right we can see his dignified defiance of the gods of defeat. Bravo Doc!

To the victor goes the spoils and DK insisted on a close of shot of the coup de gras. Ouch! Right in the labonza!

Game Three: "Wherefore Art"

Uh ...OK ...So this final game seemed like the weakest of the three at first glance but actually proved to be not only the most versatile (4 different games in one) but the one with liveliest play! 64(?) tiles, each with a portion of an art masterpice printed on it, are turned face down and then matching pairs are turned over and placed in the players pile. Player with most matches wins. At right we see a happy clam and his duality of twins. Good for you Dennis but not good enough to match the master. None other than Dr. K. Again with the win. There was no stopping his Kreskin like ability in finding two of a kind.

At right we see him displaying his champion tower of tiles. A simple matter for a superior mind. Kudos!

Lastly we played a variant on the art game by going through stacks of the tiles and picking matches for our chosen rows. Tricker than it sounds and twice as entertaining as might be imagined. A lot of color commentary by all involved made this a best laugh fest.

Can you guess who won? Yep! The Kirb-inator brought in the crush for a three play sweep leaving the other players wondering why they even bother to fool themselves into imagining that they might win. Three cheers for the triple crown wiener: HIP HIP WHO RAY! Next month we crush you Kirby ...FLAT!

Daffodillies?

2009-08-19T12:13:00.000-05:00

Stronger, hot and red; till you thirst for the daffodillies
With an anguished, husky thirst that you cannot assuage,
When the daffodillies are dead, and a woman of the dog-days holds you in gage.
Patience, little Heart.
D. H. Lawrence - Epilogue

A fine summer's evening. The Doc is ready. And well he should be. The Col is more reticent. And I believe that nothing but bitter disappointment awaits me. We shall see.

My first avatar, Wiggins the skeevy butler. He will succumb...

to Bernice the matronly schemer who will make off with the millions of Millie.
Dennis profits from the wicked promptings of Bernice.
The fortress to defend.
The knights lay seige.
My hapless defenders.
The all too inevitable outcome.

Dr. Kirby bestows the Order of the Undisclosed Location.

Dr. Kirby also amasses an enviable trove of American art.

Ground for Repentance

2009-07-20T15:20:00.000-05:00

Don't this just beat all? Wish I had been the banker on this one 'cause counting out the players' monopoly money was almost the highlight of the game. Around the board to collect your miserable wages. But first an exciting trip into one of the 5 & Dimes for, well, why not a toaster? Can you beat the thrill of paying $20 at the 5 & Dime instead of $35 at the Dime & 5? I know I had to put back a couple of bourbon & branch waters just to steady my bargain huntin' hand after that one. At least there's a plastic toaster to fondle. No? Maybe a colorful toaster chit? 'Fraid not. Nothing but a checkmark on a checklist. Almost as exciting as hanging around the starting block and deducting a random amount from your wad each turn. Even the exotic fish checkoff couldn't assuage my total gloom. The one glimmer of excitement is the possible denial of credit by the erzatz credit card machine. Did it deny? Maybe once after we smacked it around.

Dr. Kirby, perceiving the possibly fatal ennui setting in went for broke and maxed his plastique at which point we all realized we had better wind things up before we were ourselves wound up and handed the victory to the Dr. in recognition of his selfless sacrifice.

"Should circulation as a means of payment increase at a higher rate than it decreases as a means of purchase, the aggregate circulation would increase, although the money serving as a means of purchase would decrease considerably in quantity. And this actually occurs in certain periods of crisis, namely, when credit collapses completely and when not only commodities and securities are unsaleable but bills of exchange are undiscountable and nothing counts any more but money payment, or, as the merchant puts it, cash." - Marx, Capital 3, 28

And even that is more excitement than "Bargain Hunter"

Needing a splash of cold water to all our faces at that point we unwrap the 8 color magnificence of "Quest". A spinner of substance. Very welcome after last month's "Pirates o the Carib". And quickly concluded.

And then a truly splendid piece of work, previewed here in a video flyby last month, "Hotels". Basic Monopoly concept but, unlike Monopoly, a fast mover. Hotels went up like there was some kind of Commercial Real Estate bubble going on. Speculator's got fat and got screwed. Complexes went belly up and pools were drained by the mosquito control board faster than one could buy Water Works.

Good thing too since time was growing short due to the time waste of "Bargain Hunters". This was why god made the Game Kings.

Dr. Kirby looks glumly out on the Fujiyama Towers. Thinking, no doubt, of gambling losses past.

And Dennis wonders what sort of fate the dice have in store for his empire.

But the money rolls in and out. The Frog has parlayed his connections into some truly juicy land grabs and slap dash construction. Here he can be seen in Scrooge McDuck mode adding up his fabulous riches as though the entire CRE sector weren't already careening toward the precipice.

Yes, an enthusiastic endorsement for "Hotels". Saleable, no. Playable, yes. If only we had had the time after sinking an hour into the wasteland of "Bargain Hunter".

"A bad bargain is always a ground for repentance." Pliny the Elder

Yes, Dr., I am a bad man

2009-07-16T13:09:00.000-05:00

Try July

2009-07-16T12:03:00.000-05:00

Game One: "Bargain Hunter"
OK. How can you not love a game that attemptes to teach fiscal responsibility in spite of the fact that it's main gimmicky wheeze is a credit card machine? Our fair troopers found out. The object of this contest is to fill a shopping list to furnish your new place. *yuh-awn* AND you're not supposed to go into debt with your plastic credit card?! Wha-huh? The crew can be seen in our first pic trying hard to inject some fun into this tedium test. We finally did figure it out however. Dr Kirby (with unabashed encouragment from all) rang himself head over heels into a deep drowning sea of red ink in an attempt to snab all the items on his list. He came the closest to succeeding ...and lost miserably but with more laughs and glory than the game could possible contain rule wise. The lesson? Toss the rules on this one and play it the All American Way! Debt to the max! Melting plastic should fill the room as competitors struggle to out do each other in consumptive madness! That's the way to go here. Credit limit? HA! Where's the fun in that?

At right, on the left, we see the "real" winner who played by the rules and got the most stuff with no debt. He looks happy but don't be fooled. His victory is hollow. At right , on the right, we see the dictator of debt, Dr Kirby, theoretical "loser". You decide who had more fun. We know who really did!

Game Two: "Quest"

Manufactured by the now gone "Lakeside" game company. (Truth in advertising: Mrs.Kirby once worked for the now gone Lakeside Co. Her verdict? They were NOT a fun place to labor for!) This was a very novel an interesting maze run game. A massive spinner in the center of the board doubled not only as a move counter but a board changer. Arrows would appear in clear squares and set the direction of movement and make it different at every turn . Another novelty? Everyone moved with every turn. Opponents could be sent back to start if a player landed on a yellow square. Nice. Always a help to add a back stabbin' twist to these things.

After not so very long yours truly (right) emerged as the winner. My ennui filled aura lulled my opponents into a state of security and I was able to bring my pawn in for the victory! Lucky me. This one was recommended by all.

Game Three: "Hotels"

This one was featured last month but we didn't actually play it. Players buy and improve various Vegas style Hotel/Resort properties and then stick it to each other for room fees when they "visit" rival lodgings. After a shortened round everyone was convinced this challenger should have started the evening. Things were just beginning to get het up when we had to call a winner. And it was? None other than the that raconteur roustabout and master of Zeus, Mr G.(above). Could he look happier? Not really seeing as how he somehow managed to "Trump" the rest of us!

Last tanuki video embed, I swear

2009-06-27T11:43:00.000-05:00

Tan Tan Tanuki

2009-06-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

Solstice Star Wars Tarantella

2009-06-23T13:12:00.000-05:00

Les blockbusters de l'ete

2009-06-18T18:22:00.000-05:00

Jury's in on July

2009-06-18T12:35:00.000-05:00

Game the Oneth: Pirates of the Caribbean Life.

Shiver me timbers, scupper me bilge and set sail for the seven seas mateys! We're off to a traysure laden start with this salty pick of Dr Kirby's! Based on the hit game and Hollywood movie franchise this one was a barnacled beauty. Our grog besotted winner, Cap'n K can be seen at right lifting a bottle o' rum off a dead man's chest in a victory toast.When it comes to piracy he be the "Teach"-er! Yarrr!!!

Game the Two-th: Mystery Mansion.

Somehow playing this with my daughter 20 years ago gave me the edge I needed to pull off a stunning win. Really, I think everyone was relieved when it was over. Wandering through an unbuilt house of boxes and searching for treasure chests has a ring of buccaneering fun to it but truth be told it grows tedious. I also have an updated "talking" version of this game at home. Ya' gotta wonder what the improvement would be to have this thing sqauwking away and eating batteries while you tried to find the winning goodies? Well ..fun enough but mostly because of a lucky quick win.
Game the Third-th: Q-bert.

Based on the hit computer game of two decades ago the whole crew mutinied and decided to make this one walk the plank. Too many rules and ... it was getting late ...and well ...bleariness does set in after awhile so ...Away with it!. At lower left we see Zeus and his buddy sighing with relief at the sight of Q-bert going over the edge.

Game the Fourth: Hotel

Now this is the game we should have tried out instead of Mystery Mansion. We didn't have time to play this but just setting it up and gazing at it's magnificence sent Dr Kirby into a panicked greed frenzy for PROPERTY! (see final picture) We had trouble wresting it from his paws and only the assurance that we may yet someday try this royal real estate treat kept him from foaming insanity.

Patience Doc! Mad greed for land is what got the lubbers of this country in half the fix it's currently in! See you next month!

enuJ

2009-06-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

What is it about June that makes me go all backwards like?

AT midnight, in the month of June,

I stand beneath the mystic moon.

An opiate vapor, dewy, dim,

Exhales from out her golden rim,

Edgar Allen Poe, The Sleeper

Yeah, Ed, that must be it, the opiate vapor. Might explain why I can't catch a break on Game Night lately. Anyway, let us proceed through the events of June GN in the order reversed of which they in actual time transpired were. Huh?

We'll open with an innovation, video. ("It's funny how the colours of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen." ) Not here on the blog of course, O my brothers, but over there where the flickers fly I have stashed such vids as I will now here describe. Now don't get all woozy on me my kinderlings as we will now be flying low over "Hotels". (Click for Video Numero Uno). Such wonders of hospitality. Will we ever get to play said game? Likely not. Likely just a flashed up, Vegasy sort of Monopoly©. Did you spot the foreclosed subdivisions out there on the periphery? Oh, they're there all right.

Before that, which we set up and didn't play, we had Q*bert

which we set up, selected two to play (yeah, lost that one too), read the rules ("When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you." thanks, Fred), and abandoned. Even the ever patient Colonel loses it as he attempts to instruct the hapless victims to be. (Click for Video Dos) Well, ought for two. And we've only just concluded. How did we reach this impasse?

Behold "Mystery Mansion".

Keys, locks, stairs, clues and, oh yes, secret passages. Alright, where was the skeleton? A skeleton would have really made my evening. Too many cobwebs and no skeleton. And we were all reaching for our readers to try and discern whether those were crates or barrels down the basement.

But you have to applaud the modularity of it all. And, you know, treasure chests.

And, speaking of treasure chests, we now come to the final exhibit for the evening, where it all began, always a favorite, Pirates!

A mostly lame adaptation of the always lame game LIFE cashing in on the popular Pirates of the Caribbean. But … Pirates! With raids! And skullduggery! Skeletons? Don't remember. Every move involved money changing hands which all pretty much balanced out. But it was paper money. Very non-piratical. Jewels! Doubloons! Captives! (especially wenches!)

Now that's the pirate game. (But lots of Chinese pirates, very cool).

And that spinner … Somebody should walk the plank for that spinner, aargh!

OK, here's where we came in, pass the wasabi peas.

P.S. Our best to comrade Dennis whose die tossing, piece shuffling wing kept him out of the game due to recent sawbones action. Be seeing you in July.

You know the pictures are always better over at the Flickr

See it and weep!

2009-05-14T10:08:00.001-05:00

Bad Movie Night!

Ah! It's showtime once again and the crew needs a break from the brain strain of learning rules and regulations. This is the life, sitting back and letting the ooze pour in through glazed eyes. At left we see half of the audience preparing for torpor.

First Short: "Carnival Story" (as edited by our usher "Art- Cut to the Chase" )-below
This miracle was taken from Blame Games personal video vault. "Cut to the Chase" would take an old movie and boil it to 30 minutes cutting it to the bare minimum story and adding their own whip wit. Tragedy, comedy, romance and added absurdity made this worth a peek. "Cut" may be long gone from the small screen but it's still the best ever at burning bad films to their essence. 8 thumbs up!

Second Short: "SCTV - Wendy O

and the Plasmatics" right

Now this was scary! Watching Wendy wail was ...wild! Thanks to an ever vigilant Dr. Kirby we were treated to several short subjects from the days of yore. Mohawks! Leather! Spikes! Un-intelligible lyrics! Smoke! Chaos! Wrecked equipment! Yikes! And John Candy! Comedy will never be the same. Recommended!

Main Feature: "Psych Out"

A Dick Clark production made in 1968 starring Susan Strasberg, Jack Nicholson, Dean Stockwell and Bruce Dern. Huh? Does that say it all or what? But wait! There's more! Music by the Strawberry Alarm Clock and the Seeds! Now we're rockin' baby! This inchoate waste is best encapsulated by pictures from the film itself, each being worth far more than a thousand words and yet still lacking without an added explanation of each. At lower left we see Jack's back and an arm straddling Strasberg. What's wrong with this picture? It's like a reverse negative flip of what it should be. Think about it ...these are supposed to be free love beatnik hippie bohemians! If this were a shot of the Pope's Mom and Dad he would only be shocked by the surrounding decor. Below the bed scene we see ...uh ...I think this was either a fogged "love" shot or a scene at the disco or sample of the fire/bum voyage/drug trip. That gives you an idea of how screwy this flick is. More groans than laughs and the crew was left with a poor opinion of the psychadelic revolution. Peace!

Final Shorts: "Pussy Cat Dolls and Walker Texas Ranger"

Sorry. No pics of these last numbers. The Dolls were too entrancing and Walker was too bizarre (it was a cut from an episode where Walker tells a grade school kid that the kid has Aids. *gulp!*)

The Walker cut was from Latenight with Conan OBrien. A great evening ender. All in all a fine break from the usual die rollin' mayhem. See you next month for more table top trips and keep watching the screens!

In May the Mole Men Manuever

2009-05-13T11:18:00.000-05:00

Must have been dreaming with a stomach full of pizza & martini when Bad Movie Night was given over to Dick Cheney's appearance on Face the Nation.

Certainly knows how to harsh a brother's buzz.

Everyone knows it's Wendy.

Throw a towel over it.

Back in your hole, Dick!

I'm folding up my little dreams

Within my heart to-night,

And praying I may soon forget

The torture of their sight.

For Time's deft fingers scroll my brow

With fell relentless art—

I'm folding up my little dreams

To-night, within my heart!

Georgia Douglas Johnson

Ape in April

2009-04-23T11:45:00.000-05:00

Game One: "Heroclix":

An all geek freak show if there ever was. One against three and the advantage lay clearly with ...me! I figured I'd put up a good fight in the name of Jack "King" Kirby but instead ended up the king whiner. I blubbed immediately when Annihilus couldn't be brought down by a few of the Thunder gods hammer pops. Boo-hoo! At right we see the black bag of a terrible veangence I promised to wreak on the others if I lost.

The battle was joined and it wasn't long before it was handily revealed that eliminating a trio of opponents is no problem when you're getting one turn for every enemy turn.
The games high point? Herc smashing Wolvy's glass tushy with a fist of steel! (See below)Adamantium indeed! Can't die? Wishes he were able to after the king kong trounce he was dealt. Take that! And back to the north woods with you, flea bit misery of rodentdom! How satisfying!

Eventually goodness triumphed (how could it not?) and the winner was declared. Me! But a terrible price was paid by all!

Yes below left we see the evil ebon purse contents spilled out spelling doom for all! It's the A-Bomb and Ol' Nick's own son ...Nick's-Son! Brrr! A cold chill ran through the room. Thor ran for his wife across the rainbow bridge, beating it to Asgaard trying to cover his rear. If only the rest of us were so lucky!
Game Two. Emergency!:Based on the once hit TV show which Dr. Kirby recalled featured Julie London. Hmm ...a total lack of any kind of that sort of appeal was very noticeable in this game. The crew spent a slow hour driving micro fire trucks from location to location in an attempt to find some point of interest in this slug dull drear. It did look for a moment that the local high schoolers were up to hi jinx (see card below right) but ...false alarm.

At right we see an inadvertant indicator of what this game could do to itself. How bad was it? Well ...at least they must have attempted to play test it once as the spinner was modified with numerous "spin again" reads so that the thing would move beyond a total creep. At bottom is the winner obviously overjoyed that the end had come and we could finally move on to game three. If we ever play this one again it will be an emergency.

Game Three. "Quiddler"

Quiddler! A word card game. Players build words with the cards they're dealt. Fast and fascinating for yours truly as I was the winner once again. And how could I not be with letter word combos like the below example falling into my hands. (Helpful hint to future players: stash a valuable dual letter card for later in the game! Cheating! The "T" prefered method of play!)
This game was surprisingly amusing and I could see taking another stab at it in the future. No ...I did not cheat. That comment was a ..."joke"! That's it for this month. Next month: Bad Movie Night! Wahoo!

Gacha

2009-04-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

More to come

Europe should tremble

2009-04-06T10:27:00.001-05:00

Infidels! Infidels all! And the worst of the infidels are those beholden to that sodden priest who fools only women and children with his claim to the chair of Peter. They wander here, they wander there. They sail into the frigid wastes where only the blue-skinned Norsemen should freeze their shriveled manhoods. And yet they allow the Saxon scriveller to thwart them all. With a handful of ragged princelings and monks whose satanic drivel stirs only the beggars of the street this Luther has humbled the great princes and emperors of the rump of Rome. Were their legions once again lost in ambush in the dark and frozen forests of the Germans? No! They dared not even venture into them. Perhaps they feared that the stuffed bears would be, that night, feasting out of doors. These infidels are truly weak. They squabble amongst themselves and none are fit to be the ally of Suleiman. In spite of this I have seized the Hungarian crown and given it to the least of my slaves. I have united the great city of Venice with my own beloved Kostantiniyye and the day will come when even Vienna shall finally fall to the Conqueror.

1 Here we see the plotting of the Infidels

2 The witless Roman infidels

3 Who's this guy?

4 The English accused

5 Heresy is spread

6 Fear of perdition

7 Heretic smirk

Full sized, blasphemous images; click here

But, for now, it is time for me to wash the dust of Rome from my hands and return to my Harem where my favorite, Roxelana, has too long been kept waiting.

Throne of my lonely niche, my wealth, my love, my moonlight.
My most sincere friend, my confidant, my very existence, my Sultan, my one and only love.
The most beautiful among the beautiful…
My springtime, my merry faced love, my daytime, my sweetheart, laughing leaf…
My plants, my sweet, my rose, the one only who does not distress me in this world…
My Istanbul, my Caraman, the earth of my Anatolia
My Badakhshan, my Baghdad and Khorasan
My woman of the beautiful hair, my love of the slanted brow, my love of eyes full of mischief…
I'll sing your praises always
I, lover of the tormented heart, Muhibbi of the eyes full of tears, I am happy.

-Suleiman the Lawgiver

Mental March

2009-03-26T11:40:00.000-05:00

Game One (and only!): "A Mighty Fortress"

"A Mighty Fortress" and a bold experiment. On this damp March eve the Dyced crew tried a bold experiment! The "BHS", Boiled Historical Simulation. We took this 30 odd year old wonder and boiled 12 pages of rules down to a single vexed mess in the hope of being able to bring playtime in at under 3 hours. Normal game time was listed as 6 hours. Now in the long ago several attempts were made to play this monster with poor results. Never ever finished it even once.
let's see how our brave crew fared, shall we?
Above we see the historical personages from the game. Luther, Sulieman I, Henry VIII, Francis I, Charles the ...Hapsburg, and dear ol' Pope Clement(al) the VII. At left the action begins! The spead of an ill green tide can be seen creeping in from the east! The Turks are on the move! Who will stop them? Luther's deep brown menace swells in mid Europe. Pity the poor Pope undergunned and hanging on, deep blue in Italy. Meanwhile those zany and, theoretical, allies the French and Hapsbrgs are measuring each other up for a whack-a-thon. Smooth guys, smooth!

At right we see Loother infesting Poland with his austere and embittered heresies. Later in the game those jolly French would be happy to lend him an oar so he could export across the waves more non-Catholic craziness! Thanks "Franc"! The Pope misses the excommunication rules with a deep longing. But wait! It's getting late and here come the Jesuits! Take that you door' nailin' ne'er do wells! Gains are made in Germany and the Lutherans demand to see the rule book to make sure his Excellency isn't cooking it. Loother may demand his own "biblical" interpretation but the Pope knows he'll never find the chapter and verse he needs to prove his point.Ha ha!

At left the Jesuits do their blessed duty but ...all to no avail! The sly Loother has done his work well as has his chief ally ...SATAN! He's set the Hapsburgs and Frenchies at each others throats on the west coast of France and the slaughter is terrible! The guy upstairs has not totally deserted his holiness however and sees to it that the Turks are dealt a mini "Lepanto" off Italy's shores! Sulieman may be sitting in Venice but his plans for further expansion are now sunk.

Before we know it it's time for the final tally and the losers are ( in order, worst to least worst ): The Pope! A miserable -20 some points! The Frenchies! More minus points. The Hapsburgs! Another negatory. The English! At least a positive number here. The Ottoman Turks! Another respectable plus! Leaving the winner and top Weiner as none other than .................................

MARTIN LOOTHER!!??!!!

Yep! He walked off handily with a win second to none. Some may say that it was his skill and daring that won the day, others that it was the three stooge buffoonery of the Catholic triad that did it, but Pope Clement(al) knows in his bones that LUTHER is but a few letters away from LUCIFER, the real victor here. At left we see his devilish gloat. Enjoy it Marty, There's nasty surprises in store for you down below!
And so on to the critique of the BHS, Boiled Historical Simulation: It was fantastic! Throwing out rules was a great idea! This monster was supposed to be roughly 24 turns long and we did it in exactly 6! A triumph of fun and sloth!

Was it flawed? Sure. Was there some things that didn't work? Yeah. Was it a 2X laugh riot? Jawohl! Would we do it again? Absotively! One member was so enthused he looked this baby up online and found another group that had played it by email. With ALL the rules no less! I can't emagine how much time and effort this must have taken. And the result? LOOTHER WON THERE TOO!!! Man! Cannot imagine doing all that labor to end up with the same ending. This was a real acid test for the gang and I feel that the BHS has a real future with the Dyced crew. Nihil Obstat! Imprimatur!

Hibernation

2009-02-11T14:23:00.000-06:00

"If Candlemas Day is bright and clear
There'll be two winters in the year."
Such, I'm told, is the Scottish origin of Groundhog Day. Hell's bells, boys and girls, feels like we've already had two winters. It's back to the burrow for this marmot.

Aye, this one was a snooze. And then I wake up with a target on my back and suffer ignomius assassination almost before my nail gun is holstered.

Then the Frog survives the war between the gangs that couldn't shoot straight. The red drapery? Shhh, Sacco & Vanzetti. Know what I mean?

"Sleep will unshell us, but not yet"

Philip Larkin

Two for February

2009-02-05T13:50:00.000-06:00

Fast & furious in Feb! Game one: "Home Improvement"

Yes! Home Improvement! A hit TV show! This has got to be good, right? BZZZT! Oh! I'm terribly sorry but this game, advertised on the box as being" hilarious", was a stone cold dud. If it wasn't for the forced and half witty patter of the gamesters I'm sure we all would have snored the evening away. Above at right we can see the bored winner holding the game box with undisguised disgust and relief that this rock will never have to be crossed again. So many cards of such varied type and yet ...so few used. What was the point supposed to be? We gave up after and hour and declared the winner to be the poor chump who happened to stumble into enough equity to trump the rest of us. Thank Chet! Want an improvement for your home? Don't ever pick up this game.

Game two: "Assassin" Yes! Subterfugal murder! Now this is a meaty challenge that each and every one of the back stabbin' bone rollin' players could sink his teeth into. To the left ... the field of combat ...below ...the first victim eliminated by a half lipped souse scoundrel within the first ten (count 'em) minutes of play! A chill of fear and astonishment ran through our entire throng at seeing a player eliminated with such astounding rapidity! Who would be next?

Well the answer after many a missed attempts was that Dr Kirby had to go. Finally it was left for the last two players to go through a nail biting litany of attempted kills in order to end with none other than great Zeus's overseer as the champion of the night ( see above left) The final victim (see above right) gave a heroic showing burning money and luck in a failed try at victory. This game is recommended and has possibilities for replay at a later date. The fact that it's limited to only four gamers is a small drawback. The ease of the first kill of the game was exceedingly deceptive! And as for spending the big $$ on a more able assassin? seemed to be totally luck of the draw as evidenced by the number of photos in the above gallery of failures.

And with that we bid aw-doo to another month of gamimg! See you in March!

Yin Yang Conflict Chess Candy

2009-01-23T10:26:00.000-06:00

No takers on the Game Night candy. None. None but me, and lemme tell you sumthin, cats and kittens, my head has been swimming, Mark Spitz-style, since Game Night! I haven't slept a wink and I can do square and cubed roots in my head now without using either my fingers or my toes, I can charge cell phones with just a wink of the eye, and I've been making the most amazing hospital corners on the Dr. and Mrs. Dr. Kirby connubial berth. X-Ray vision? Hah! I've got ZZZ-Ray vision, which means I can see through lead, phone books and all the deceitful artifices of even the most sociopathic of miscreants. I don't know what our good friends in the PRC (or Canada--I get a little confused sometimes in my geography) put in those cute little game piece-shaped confections, but they've changed my life--and my life was pretty weird to begin with! On the downside, I seem to be spending a lot of time mulling over group-win strategies for "Yin Yang"--which I find more than a little disturbing--and I've been having some difficulty finding the focus to finish simple.....

"Your optimist says the glass is half full
Your pessimist says it's half empty
Your realist wants to know what's in the glass
Your cynic is certain it's pee."

Oh, and I've evidently developed a need to write bad, lightly scatalogical poetry. I wonder if this sort of thing ever happened to Underdog or Captain Nice.

Number Six is Un-Mutual.

Nwebie doobie doo

2009-01-22T12:12:00.000-06:00

Starting off sweet! Mini games with delectable candy treats inside started off the night. Dr Kirby brought an entire selection of tooth rot that tasted like "chalky sweet tarts". Hmm ...didn't actually try any myself but the packages were darn cute!
Game One: "Yin Yang":
This fluffy wonder was acquired at a sale last summer and enthusiastically recommended by the teacher who was hawking it for a buck. A 'Zen' marble game where all the players co-operate to move marbles into patterns and then remove them from the board. The winner? Everyone according to the rules! This made in Canada crap-a-thon had no point whatsoever. If it was supposedly to remove the marbles collectively then why bother to put them out at all? Our bored and baffled crew can be seen below wondering why we even tried this tepid bit of tedium. Well ...it was cheap, available and ...uh...my fault! D'oh. Avoid this one, pleeze!
Game Two: "Conflict!" At last! A game that says it all right in the title! Conflict! A man's game well met on the field of challenge by males ready to do damage to each other. Conflict! Metal playing pieces (Yes! Ruggedness abounds!) of cannons, battleships, jet fighters and anti aircraft guns are manuevered around the board in an attempt to wipe other players pieces from the map and stand alone in virile glorious victory! What could possibly be more male in a board game than that? Reckless struggle and sweating combat to achieve triumph over your helpless opponents! Yes! This was a game for the Dyced crew to get in and chew on! At right below we see the turmoil of play while at left the victor (me!) gritted with combat lust weilds an ancient copy of the game in the air in exaltant success! Highly recommended.

Game Three (and four , sort of): "Four Player Chess" with card modifiers: OK. This one got a little ...uh ...confused as it was two games jammed together. The card modifier chess game was supposed to be used with two player chess but hey! What are we if not bold explorers and pioneers in the world of amateur gamimg? Witness our repeated attempts to get T.L.I.F.A.U. to fly (see last June). While there was no clear winner on this mayhem filled outing there was abundant amusement and the entire gang agreed that this would and should have been the game to spend more time on if only we hadn't wasted the first hour wading through that peurile mess Yin and Yang! Yeesh! OK. Enough of regrets. The chess thing was a definite try over with much potential for fun and glee for all involved. Below at right we see Dennis obviously rueing the clock that was burnt on Yin Yang and pondering whether a few extra moments could have brought home the win on Chess. We'll never know! See you next month!